Trauma & Art

A PROCESS        

Pinks

Usually when most of us decide to explore early experiences and traumas we more or less think of the process as relatively separate and defined even though we may theoretically know that it interacts with other areas of life and is contextually embedded. We may even harbor certain assumptions to what we will find once we open Pandora’s Box or venture down the rabbit hole. Initially nothing in culture or books prepares us for this merry-go-round ride and the deeper we are prepared to dig the bigger the picture becomes.  However, we eventually realise that it is all one. Everything is connected and the deeper we delve the more complex and expansive our life and Life will appear. Our understanding of reality will expand and broaden and deepen, even nature will seem brighter and more alive. We come to viscerally understand that trauma and culture are interwoven and all areas of our life are permeated by the aftermath of our wounds. Our relationships, work and productivity, health, familial life, prosperity, outlook on life, learning, spirituality and creativity are all interconnected and impacted, and furthermore, our experience is interwoven with so much more outside us. There is an undeniable dialectical and dynamic connectivity and permeability.  Cultural, individual and familial constructs and imperatives are diluted in the same vast container of water where the different paint brushes rest. Within this context it is easy to understand why denial and resistance to discussing trauma and other issues do not only operate at an individual level, but at a much broader societal level for unraveling trauma unravels the tapestry of societal practices and laws. Discussing trauma and healing is in the end subversive for it shakes boxes and structures open; it sheds light on underlying dynamics and truths; it opens the door to a much bigger reality; it pulls down walls and it liberates energy; it allows us to catch glimpses of a much bigger and different universe; it shakes foundations of hierarchies and false beliefs; it opens doors to new knowing; it increases the chances of awakening; it awakens us to more; it connects us to our spiritual essence and what we knew as children. The deeper we go the more we will discern how and when the plundering and the boxing took place. It eventually all comes together like a thousand piece puzzle falling into place. Taking all this into account, in retrospect one better understands not only their own resistance, to see, know and remember, but also the reactivity and even hostility of their social environment. You finally get why your diaries or little illustrated book or decision to engage in therapy or take up studying again, your projects and interests create such an upheaval, attract aggressiveness and can even lead to martydom. It is not about your own little story, it is about the story of the world. By the time all this becomes apparent you have no choice but to continue to patiently peel off the coverings, pick up the threads, expose yourself to all of it and speak or paint your truth one breath, one step, one word and image at a time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

         

 

       The place I want to get back to / is where / in the pinewoods / in the moments between the darkness /and first light / two deer came walking down the hill / and when they saw me / they said to each other, okay, / this one is okay,
let’s see who she is / and why she is sitting / on the ground like that, / so quiet, as if asleep, or in a dream, / but, anyway, harmless; / and so they came / on their slender legs / and gazed upon me / not unlike the way / I go out to the dunes and look and look and look / into the faces of the flowers; / and then one of them leaned forward / and nuzzled my hand, and what can my life / bring to me that could exceed that brief moment?

For twenty years / I have gone every day to the same woods, / not waiting, exactly, just lingering. / Such gifts, bestowed, / can’t be repeated. / If you want to talk about this / come to visit. I live in the house near the corner, which I have named /Gratitude (by Mary Oliver)

Summer time…

‘May your own stories be woven into the place where you live. May your landscape remind you as you walk it how necessary you are to keeping it alive. And when you are away from the place you love, may your remember to sing the songs of your land, conjuring its aliveness in your memory until you return’ (from Toko pa Turner’s website)

After a long Sabbatical from swimming I ventured into the sea again and remembered how much I love been immersed in the emerald waters of the Aegean Sea. Despite living on an island I had not gone swimming since 2016. Last year I seemed to have lost all interest. Maybe I did not have the energy because I had lost a lot of weight or maybe I needed a break for other reasons. As I immerse myself in the water this summer gratitude wells up for the lightness that comes in the sea, the liquid embrace that brings up ancient memories of swimming in the small ocean of the amniotic bag. I watch a little boy blissfully present to his sea side experience and I consider the effort we later need to make, through mindfulness practices and meditation, in order to reclaim some of that initial sense of presence and wakefulness in our lives, and also, our tendency to not linger on the many small positive experiences that often occur throughout our day, but instead dwell more on the negative. Of course this is part of our human make up and scientists believe that our brain has a built-in ‘negativity bias’, which evolved over millions of years as we humans as a species tried to avoid natural hazards, predators and aggression from other humans. The negativity bias shows up in different ways and studies have found that in relationships it takes five positive interactions to make up for one negative interaction and interestingly participants in studies would work harder to avoid losing money than to gain the same amount. Also, painful experiences are much more memorable. However, as Rick Hanson writes ‘taking in the good is a brain-science savvy and psychologically skillful way to improve how you feel, get things done, and treat others. It is among the top five personal growth methods I know. In addition to being good for adults, it’s great for children, helping them to become more resilient, confident, and happy’.

Two young children spontaneously engage in gathering bits of plastic rubbish that the gentle waves have washed ashore. Their mom explains that turtles and dolphins eat plastic mistaking it for jelly fish. In the distance a surf board is moving on the water swiftly with the ease of a snake licking the ground and a group of kids are learning to sail in small sailing boats. The echo of their laughter reaches me as I spread cream on my thin skin. Anne Lamott says that the less armor you put on, the more you can celebrate your thin skin and the more you will be able to show up. I think about that and of this favourite and convenient seaside spot on the island that I have been visiting for several years. How many times have I greeted a stranger, watched my dogs swimming totally absorbed in the task of staying afloat, sunned myself on these rocks, read a novel, eaten fruit or the occasional ice-cream, swum in the water, searched for shells – layers of memories woven into this particular spot and other places on this rocky island I have inhabited for thirty two years. As Toko pa wrote in one of her posts ‘I’m fascinated by how memories can lay dormant until you revisit the place where they were conceived. I know now that this is because they are actually embedded in the physical landscape….. This embedment happens naturally, or you might say, passively, over time. The longer we live in a place, the more soaked with memories its soil becomes….’