PART TWO

The importance of context, situating knowledge and the bigger picture

“It was regarded as almost outside the proper interest of an analyst to give systematic attention to a person’s real experiences.” John Bowlby

“Until you are willing to be confused about what you already know, what you know will never grow bigger, better, or more useful.” Milton Erickson

“According to Foucault: The examination as the fixing, at once ritual and “scientific,” of individual differences, as the pinning down of each individual in his own particularity … clearly indicates the appearance of a new modality of power in which each individual receives as his status his own individuality, and in which he is linked by his status to the features, the measurements, the gaps, the “marks” that characterize him and make him a “case.” From The Myth of Empowerment by Dana Becker

My posts often reflect what I’ve been engaging with. Over these recent weeks I’ve managed to do some painting and drawing, and have also completed Dana Becker’s book, which I referred to in the previous post. So, in this post I thought I’d include some new drawings and continue the thread from the previous post in relation to the importance of contextualizing our own and others’ experience both in space and in time. I think Becker’s discussion is useful in increasing our discernment of social dynamics and discourse and the purposes they may serve. It’s not a long book but it’s packed with information, and I think that to some extent it contributes to making visible a bigger picture, and to clarifying the purpose that particular social discourse serves. As a result I intend to briefly present only some of the many salient points discussed in the book, as food for thought for anyone (myself included) interested. I’m also sharing a link to a talk by Rick Hanson that seems relevant to these topics.

As I’ve also been listening to audio story books and recordings by influential figures in psychology recently it has become salient how stories and discourse, research findings, theories, claims and ideas often reflect particular contexts and eras.  Some claims are universal and timeless in some sense, but other arguments and narratives might need to be updated, revised, expanded or critically re-evaluated. For instance, I had a look at an essay, a genogram and an accompanying narrative that I had written and constructed in 2011 as part of a Family Therapy Course and I realized how much I would do differently if I were to do the activities now, eleven plus years later.  My essays were situated, context and limitations taken into account, and probably well written because they had got me an A+ but since 2011, I have acquired some new knowledge and understanding, I have done a short genealogy course, have interacted with registry offices, have accumulated more experiences for better or worse, have meditated, have eroded some old conditioning, have grown older, and generally, more information has come my way.

In this sense, not all, but aspects of our narratives and written work needs to be situated in time and revised when required. These particular papers were basically informed by Murray Bowen’s theory [psychiatrist, and pioneering researcher of Family Systems Theory /1913-1990], whose systems approach and ideas I had found and still find valuable. However, to come back to the importance of situating human experience, theories included, family systems theory, for instance, has been critiqued for its assumption of universality and for not taking socio-economic conditions and cultural differences into account. Developmental theories for all their great contributions have also been critiqued. Becker writes: “the criticism that Jean Baker Miller, Carol Gilligan, and others have justifiably leveled at theories such as Erik Erikson’s that do not emphasize caring and interdependence as goals for human development throughout the life span…..” Theories are useful and can be of value over time, but as British psychologist, child psychiatrist, and psychoanalyst, John Bowlby (1907-1990) notable for his interest in child development and his pioneering work in attachment theory, wrote: “All knowledge is conjectural and … science progresses through new theories coming to replace older ones when it becomes clear that a new theory is able to make sense of a greater circle of phenomena than are comprehended and explained by the older one and is able to predict new phenomena more accurately.”

In this post today I can only selectively refer to some of the points Becker makes because as I mentioned above the book is packed with concepts, historical facts, references and arguments. The central thread in the book, as the title connotes, is the empowerment of women or maybe not. Becker writes that what empowerment promises women is control over their lives; however, she explains when applied to women, it usually connotes nothing more than self-knowledge or self-improvement. She argues that power is not an increase in self-esteem, relational skills, or an improved ability to cope with or adapt to familial, social and societal expectations, although these, may be some of the aims of the therapeutic culture.  She further argues that personal change in the service of achieving personal goals, cannot furnish women, either collectively or individually, with power. She also critiques the wildly held beliefs of women’s strengths as being primarily relational and their needs as primarily personal.

She claims that the therapeutic culture could help to create a different awareness of ourselves and the world, an awareness that might promote social change. However, she writes: “although the therapeutic culture does create its subjects, it is not generally creating subjects who are directed toward changing the status quo.” In fact she says what the therapeutic culture offers women, is merely a type of compensatory power that supports and reproduces the existing societal power and gender arrangements by obviating the need for social action to change things, as women continue to perform the “emotion work” of society. Becker writes that history tells us that women’s interiority and their claim to moral and emotional influence, their “domestic individualism,” have always been championed by men, because privileging the inner world will be less likely to foment trouble outside it. She describes how since the nineteenth century, individualistic psychological and medical discourses have been the vehicles through which women have been defined, and which have masked the need for structural changes— social, political, economic— in the gendered arrangements that have dictated women’s roles and have, in many cases, reduced women’s struggles to purely personal problems.

She adds that it is important to understand the history and the legacy of the past because it is this heritage that shapes our own and therapists’ understanding of the “self” and its meanings. It is necessary to examine the notions about personhood— the self—that culture espouses and the forms of individualism in which ideas of the self are grounded. This she explains is important because understanding “the vision of the self that is endorsed by a particular culture opens the door, as perhaps no other knowledge does, to that system of meanings, because “as cultures change, so do the modal types of personality that are their bearers.” She cites Nikolas Rose who supports that “the self….. [results from] the social expectations targeted upon it, the social duties accorded it, the norms according to which it is judged, the pleasures and pains that entice and coerce it, the forms of self-inspection inculcated in it, the languages according to which it is spoken about and about which it learns to account for itself in thought and speech.

Becker reminds us how both women and men construct specific representations of themselves from the discourses that are available to them and are shaped by time, place, and gender. Gender she says is a way of structuring human experience socially, politically, economically, intellectually, and psychologically and women’s consciousness, like that of men, results to a great extent from their historical experience, the roles society has assigned to them, their relations with men, and  to prevailing socio-cultural discourses with which they have been invited to identify.

She also discusses how there is ample historical evidence that wrestling with the problems of the self is quite a modern preoccupation and that the emergence of consciousness of the self has much to do with what made the world modern and that centuries ago there was no distinction made between an internal and an external self, nor was the self understood, as it is now, as something abstract and also hidden. The self of the individual was viewed as the sum of their behaviors and public commitments, not, as today, the cause of these same phenomena and separate from them. She writes that it is not every culture that makes of self a noun, and the fact that our culture began to do so represented a historical change in the understanding of the self, which originated in the 16th and 17th centuries, particularly with Descartes, who believed that the individual had a unique, protected entrée into his own inner world and that for all the resistance to Descartes’ ideas from empiricist quarters, his perspective has continued to prevail in modern times. An important question to ask she writes is….for what purpose the distinction between inner and outer have permeated the culture?

Another discussion thread in the book is modern individualism, which she states has come to mean many things. She also clarifies that her critical stance in relation to individualism throughout this book is by no means suggesting either that the effects of individualism are altogether adverse or that individualism is monolithic. She writes:  “its power lies precisely in its ambiguity and plasticity,” in the ways its meanings can be put to quite different and even contradictory uses ….Individualism and collectivism, often assumed to oppose each other absolutely, actually have a dialectical relationship…… people in everyday life will go on, trying … to accommodate these two and imperfectly to reconcile the indispensable values which are inherent in them both.” She also talks about utilitarian individualism as embodied in the institution of a competitive, capitalist economy and how this is reflected in the therapeutic culture, and  expressive individualism, which emphasizes that emotions and self-expression, endorses autonomy, and which defines success in terms of the triumph of individual self-expression over societal repression, and is represented in such psychotherapy concepts as self-fulfillment and self-realization, and others,  in the tradition of Emerson, Thoreau, and Whitman.

She writes individualism was forged in response to the rule of monarchy and an oppressive class system, but there seem to be concerns that if left unchecked, a condition could arise with over emphasis on fulfillment through retreat into a private world apart from society, where people might imagine that their whole destiny is in their own hands and the vital connections between public and private life are undermined. Becker writes; “…the private life of Americans provides little preparation for engagement in a public, political life that is essential for supporting democracy.” In relation to women what they have had to fear from individualism is an over-focus on the personal at the expense of the political; a search for the sources of their problems in the psyche that obscures their view of the social forces that frequently define those problems and prescribe their solutions. Power then need not be exercised from without because it is already being exercised by the individual on her (or himself), In the parts of the book devoted to “self-esteem” she writes self-esteem is only one among an array of technologies of selfhood…. a “state of esteem” is not arrived at through public acts and public talk; its foundation is an interior dialogue “between self and self.” From this perspective, Becker claims “freedom entails “slow, painstaking, and detailed work on our own subjective and personal realities, guided by an expert knowledge of the psyche.”

Another thread in the book is the “stress” discourse”, She suggests that the discourse of stress (women’s in particular) attempts to address things by locating the problems within a medical and psychological context rather than in the sociopolitical domain. She further claims that “professionalization of social problems such as poverty rendered them more readily isolable and controllable, placing all domains of living under the professional’s authority and helping to maintain the societal status quo. The culture of professionalism also reinforced individualism by deracinating social causes from social problems in the interest of science; the social system could not be held responsible for life’s vicissitudes, nor could it be blamed for people’s “nerves.””

She traces the evolution of this way of thinking to past movements and ideas. For instance, Mind Cure was helping people believe that the world outside themselves was not responsible for their miseries, but only how they viewed that world that had significance – their problems were in their minds. Becker writes: “today we might say that what mattered was how they “internalized” perceptions of the world.” She provides examples like the Alcoholics Anonymous, certain “human potential” movements and New Age philosophies, which she explains are the not-so-distant cousins of New Thought; the popular philosophy that emphasized the individual’s ability to fully control his or her own destiny, espoused on certain TV shows today and the rhetoric of codependency, and which to a great extent eschew altogether the virtues of interdependence— community, cooperation, compassion for others, delay of gratification. She writes about the mental hygiene movement in the 1920s and 1930s and suggests that from this perspective, personality was also shaped by the environment, but “environment” was now narrowly defined as the home, with a particular emphasis on the emotional climate in which childrearing took place.

Becker also critiques the idea of infinite possibilities and limitless opportunity that at least part of the self help and therapeutic industry are promising. She writes: “… the American love affair with infinite opportunity cloaks “an equally happy acceptance of normative social control….. For possibility and contentment may be sworn enemies. Pure potential and its despair combine to create the ideal late-capitalist perpetual-motion engine, with self-realization powering the drive train…… [For after all] if you don’t become all that you pretty much want, you’ve only your own indolence to blame.”

Topics like the feminist movement with it contradictions and differences, PTSD and women, caring and caretaking within the context of an individualistic culture, the reasons the practice of psychotherapy has been feminized, as women have become psychotherapy’s chief professional purveyors, the psychologization and medicaization of every day experiences and difficulties, “self-esteem” and the concept of “normal”, and how “hierarchical surveillance and normalizing judgment” became a means of exercising control and authority, and more, are discussed in the book. However, this post is already quite lengthy, so I will end here, and maybe I will return to a particular topic in some future post.

Meanwhile, I’d like to share a link: https://www.rickhanson.net/meditation-talk-privilege-what-we-dont-take-into-account-and-should/ for Rick Hanson’s talk on January 19th, which I think relates to the above. The central theme is privilege, which he defines as not having to take something into account. Privilege he says is the result of three sources of status, standing and resources: luck for better or worse (e.g. to be born in an advantaged or disadvantaged situation, gene lottery, events and opportunities in life, e.g. being hit by a car at a green light or meeting someone who might open a door for you, which might be slammed shut for someone else, etc); virtuous effort (e.g. work, effort to learn, taking on of responsibility, perseverance, etc), and socio-economic structures that advantage some while disadvantaging others. He comments that privilege that accrues may disadvantage others, and also, that the societal field is tilted to advantage some by disadvantaging others. He provides several examples. For instance, he refers to the different responses people often encounter in medical settings. Some may be disrespected, patronized, their concerns dismissed, or they may not receive the deserved attention and help, and then there is also the fact that inequality plays a huge role in the agency and means that people have in relation to taking care of their health. He also provides examples of attribution error. More about this bias in my 6-3-2021 post: The Broken Ladder

He poses the following questions for reflection:

What are the systems of advantage and disadvantage that people have to take into account?

What do we need to take into account that others don’t, and what do others need to take into account that we don’t?

Thanks to my son, who’s more apt than I am at these things, the image uploading issue has been resolved.

The shadow side… and the importance of situating our lived experience…

“Let people realize clearly that every time they threaten someone or humiliate or unnecessarily hurt or dominate or reject another human being, they become forces for the creation of psychopathology, even if these be small forces. Let them recognize that every person who is kind, helpful, decent, psychologically democratic, affectionate, and warm, is a psychotherapeutic force, even though a small one.” Abraham H. Maslow

“I consider rugged individualism to be an exaggerated pretend posture of a person struggling against emotional fusion. The differentiated person is always aware of others and the relationship system around him.”  Murray Bowen

“A focus on the individual is supported in professional journals, by academic tenure review committees, by agencies that control funding, and in the larger society in which feminist psychologists live. Although feminist psychology could be a vital domain of political and intellectual thought, it is constrained by a discipline “designed to flatten, depoliticize, individualize.”  Dana Becker

“…. people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham….” From Black Beauty by Anna Sewell

Eleanor Potter writes about her character Pollyanna: “My relationship with “Pollyanna” is a very personal one, because Pollyanna got me through my childhood…”

It has taken me a little longer than usual to post something, one reason being that I’ve been doing a lot of art, which has meant long hours bent over a drawing pad, not to mention the preparatory work, which has involved revisiting all sorts of material. I realized that over the last four or five months I’ve produced about 50 drawings, while also painting a bit, which is a lot of sitting hours. As I have written art making is a process that involves conscious and unconscious processes, mental and physical effort, past, present, internal and external influences, and more. I’ve been reading a bit and listening to old material while drawing, as part of the whole artistic process. It’s been interesting, for lack of a better word,  to listen to old classics, but also to old recordings of influential figures in psychology like Abraham Maslow, Milton Erickson, and others.Because visual art allows for many narratives to co-exist, even on small surfaces – stories within stories – in some sense I’ve been creating layered visual narratives.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Very briefly, Abraham H. Maslow (1908 – 1970) was an American psychologist, whose theory of psychological health predicated on fulfilling human needs culminating in self-actualization. Most psychologists before him had been concerned with the pathological, but he focused on what constituted positive mental health and people’s basic and higher needs, and ultimately, at least for some, the potential for self-actualization.  One basic tenet of humanistic psychology is that people have the inner resources for growth and healing and that the role of therapy is to help remove obstacles and conditioning that prevent individuals from achieving this. Maslow also believed that, because of the difficulty of fulfilling the four lower needs for so many people on the planet, few people would become self-actualized or could do so in a limited capacity.

Some of Maslow’s beliefs and findings were that:

“If the essential core of the person is denied or suppressed, he gets sick sometimes in obvious ways, sometimes in subtle ways, sometimes immediately, sometimes later….”

“A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man [human] can be, he must be… This need we may cal self-actualization….”

“Life is an ongoing process of choosing between safety (out of fear and need for defense) and risk (for the sake of progress and growth). Make the growth choice a dozen times a day.”

“Self-actualized people… live more in the real world of nature than in the man-made mass of concepts, abstractions, expectations, beliefs and stereotypes that most people confuse with the world….”

Milton H. Erickson (1901 – 1980) was an American psychiatrist and psychologist specializing in medical hypnosis and family therapy. He considered the unconscious mind as creative and solution-generating. His emphasis was often to alleviate symptoms and solve problems while taking into account individual differences. Both Milton and Maslow have influenced many therapeutic approaches and schools of therapy, and their work and ideas have been developed further and expanded on, but also viewed through critical lens.

Some ideas from Erickson:

“When I wanted to know something, I wanted it undistorted by somebody else’s imperfect knowledge.”

“Until you are willing to be confused about what you already know, what you know will never grow bigger, better, or more useful.”

“Change will lead to insight more often than insight will lead to change.”

“It is really amazing what people can do. Only they don’t know what they can do.”

“You always call it hindsight. Two weeks too late to think of the right retort to make. You lead with your unconscious; you make that retort immediately… Trust your unconscious; it knows more than you do.”

“You use hypnosis not as a cure but as a means of establishing a favorable climate in which to learn.”

Finally, I’m currently reading a book, The Myth of Empowerment, by therapist, associate professor and writer with degrees in both social work and psychology, Dana Becker. The book is informed by a feminist lens and it surveys the various ways women have been represented and influenced by a growing popular and professional therapeutic culture from the 19th century till today. Becker discusses how today’s middle-class woman, concerned about her health and her ability to care for others, is not that different from her late nineteenth-century white middle-class predecessors. She argues how ideas like de-contextualized empowerment perpetuate the myth that many of the problems women have are medical or psychological rather than societal; personal rather than political. She describes how from mesmerism to psychotherapy to the Oprah Winfrey Show, women have gleaned ideas about who they are or ought to be as psychological beings, and questions what women have gained or lost from these ideas and practices. She provides a critique of the self help industry and aspects of positive psychology, as well as a glimpse into the historical conflicts within the fields of medicine, psychiatry and psychology.

She discusses the similarities between the more recent movements and earlier ones and how they have placed emphasis on individualism and adjustment. She, however, argues for more nuanced conceptions of happiness,  strengths and human flourishing,  a focus beyond the individual or the woman in isolation, and a  perspective that takes in the totality of the social environment and values social engagement and activism. Becker argues that the therapeutic culture has created a kind of imperative to manage the tensions and problems of daily life by turning inward only, ignoring the social and political realities that underlie many of those tensions. For instance, she traces the evolution of the social uses of the stress concept across time and shows that although stress is often associated with conditions over which people have little control like workplace policies unfavorable to family life, unemployment and increasing economic inequality, various  forms of discrimination, and so on, the stress concept focuses most of our attention on how individuals react to stress placing the responsibility for alleviating stress squarely on the individual.

Becker asks certain questions like: Are psychology and psychotherapy compatible with feminism?

She writes: “……. Psychology has always been political in the sense that it often reduces social and political problems to the personal and pathological. Whereas the women’s movement explained women’s problems as arising from their oppression, psychology transforms them into mental phenomena……. As Michelle Fine and Susan Gordon suggest, in order for women to be accepted in mainstream psychology they may need to join in the pretense that the discipline of psychology is apolitical “by representing [themselves] uncritically as objective researchers; by misrepresenting gender, within frames of sex roles, sex differences, or gender-neutral analyses without discussing power, social context, and meanings; and by constructing the rich and contradictory consciousness of girls and women into narrow factors and scales.” A focus on the individual is supported in professional journals, by academic tenure review committees, by agencies that control funding, and in the larger society in which feminist psychologists live.  Although feminist psychology could be a vital domain of political and intellectual thought, it is constrained by a discipline “designed to flatten, depoliticize, individualize.”

In one of my pictures I have drawn a Panopticon to represent one of Foucauld’s metaphors – a story within other stories.

In the book Becker claims that Michel Foucault employed Bentham’s architectural design of the Panopticon, a model prison, as a metaphor for the way in which power is exerted over individuals in modern society. She writes: “In this prison, inmates, each in his own cell, would be rendered continually visible, via backlighting, from a central tower. The effect of constant scrutiny on the inmates would be to induce in them “a state of conscious and permanent visibility that assures the automatic functioning of power.” This power, designated in Foucault’s writings as both “bio-power” and “disciplinary power,” is evidenced in the inmate’s ongoing self-observation. To Foucault the Panopticon is a metaphor for societal institutions, and self-scrutiny represents the manner in which institutions exert power over individuals through a sense of continual self-consciousness— what Foucault terms a “technology” of the self…..

….. In the metaphor of the Panopticon, knowing that he may be observed from the tower at any time, the inmate takes over the job of policing himself. Women, who are on display to a greater extent than men, subject themselves not to outward regulation, but to an inner “self-surveillance” that observes patriarchal norms. Bartky believes that resistance is possible if women are able to understand how during the period when they have made enormous gains in the economic and political realms they have, paradoxically, become increasingly subject to “the dominating gaze of patriarchy.” What seems critical is the ability to change the terms of the contest, to see where we are located within the terrain, and to make our response from another position….…….. Power exists in society’s representation of individuals to themselves. Women have been both the subjects of and subjected to the observations, ministrations, and regulation of medico-psychological experts who limit and control “what it means to be a woman” in terms of the “truths” that suit the needs of the psychotherapy profession. What are these truths and how have we come to subscribe to them? The story of how psychotherapy emerged as a profession……….  offers a number of answers to this question. It is a story about how men developed those “technologies of the self” that we have been talking about— the means by which we come to evaluate ourselves, to correct ourselves— and about how those technologies came to be broadly employed and adopted.”

May all be happy and secure this new year and beyond

“Interpersonal integration involves the honoring and relishing of differences while cultivating compassionate connections with others…..” Dan Siegel

“It’s easy to be kind towards those we like, not so easy towards those we don’t like – and yet how we respond to those we don’t like is the ultimate test of our commitment to the civilising discipline of compassion.”  Hugh MacKay, Australian social psychologist

“Although the wind blows terribly here, the moonlight also leaks between the roof planks of this ruined house” Izumi Shikibu

“Everything’s a story. You are a story. I am a story.” Frances Hodgson Burnett

“Whatever possession we gain by our sword cannot be sure for lasting, but the love gained by kindness and moderation is certain and durable.” Alexander the Great

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In today’s post I have included:

*The last two drawings of 2022, related thematically to the ones of the previous post: Orphans in children’s literature, and a much older still life pencil drawing. I have also expanded a bit more on the previous post.

Frances Hodgson Burnett, the author of  The Secret Garden and A Little Princess mentioned in the previous posts explored, among other themes, the love and care that children often bestow on their toys, the relationships developed between girls and their dolls, and the idea of dolls coming to life and having independent lives. Racketty-Packetty House, also by Burnett, is about dolls coming alive and what goes on when children are not in the room, which is a common theme in children’s stories.  In A Little Princess Sara Crew’s devotion to her doll Emily remains constant.  Emily is included as a friend and becomes Sara’s confidant. In contrast, in Racketty Packetty House, Cynthia says: “I believe I will have the Racketty Packetty burnt up! They’re too shabby to live in the same nursery with Tidy Castle.” In response to that the princess character responds: “Burned! Why, if it were mine I wouldn’t have it burned for the worlds!” … “It’s shabby and wants mending, of course, but it’s almost exactly like the one my grandmamma had, and she kept it among her treasures, and only let me look at it as a great, great treat.”

Finally, another interesting fact about A Little Princess is that it reflects aspects and progressions in the writer’s own life. She endows her heroine Sara Crew with talents and capacities that she possessed, and also, the trajectory of the story is in many ways similar to her own early life. While preparing for the previous post, apart from listening to many stories and re-reading books to freshen my memory, I also looked at several relevant essays, articles and biography notes about the writers. In a textual analysis of Frances Hodgson Burnett’s heroine Sara Crewe in A Little Princess [https://core.ac.uk/download/pdf/46955678.pdf ] Johanna Elizabeth Resler claims that certain aspects of Burnett’s life can be seen in her narratives, which include similarities between her and her heroine Sara, such as the death of her father, her family’s fall from fortune, her concept of the princess figure which Burnett imbues with certain valued qualities and traits. Sara has an empathic nature, a gift of storytelling and loves books. Resler writes: “…. The reworking of Sara’s tale was perhaps not just the desire of an author to perfect her work but the need for her to remember and re-imagine memories of her own past. This is not to say that Burnett’s life mimics Sara’s; the real life is only similar in a very general way to the fiction story she fashioned for Sara. By including pieces of her own childhood, Burnett perhaps comes to terms with the struggles she and her family experienced after her father’s death. Burnett’s lasting interest and critical significance resides in the imagination and creativity of the writing process and by including these interests with her own experiences Burnett creates a tale that has elements of fairy-tale and reality.”

*A short extract on painting / making art by Winston Churchill

“I know of nothing which, without exhausting the body, more entirely absorbs the mind. Whatever the worries of the hour or the threats of the future, once the picture has begun to flow along, there is no room for them in the mental screen. They pass out into shadow and darkness. All one’s mental light, such as it is, becomes concentrated on the task. Time stands respectfully aside, and it is only after many hesitations that luncheon knocks gruffly at the door…” [From Winston Churchill’s Essays and Other Works Collection Book]

*In last week’s meditation talk [24/12/2022] Rick Hanson discussed among other topics the importance of separating our desire for justice or indignation about injustices and harm done to us, to others or the planet from cruelty and hatred, and how emotions like anger, hatred or desire for revenge can more easily dissipate once they have been felt and reflected upon. After we have been knocked down too often or been pushed around persistently, an opening of our heart and connection to that place of compassion and joy for being alive, which Dan Siegel calls the hub of awareness, is a kind of victory because we know that ultimately our deepest human essence is intact and alive. We are happy because no amount of salt on the wounds has been able to harden this human capacity. I think this distinction is very important because true kindness and compassion cannot ignore injustice and harm done to people. It should not be about smoothing out social inequities and not disturbing  / interrupting  harmful dynamics and practices, which ultimately only serves those who have more privilege, power and resources. In my mind, seeking justice, speaking truth to power and talking about harms committed and oppressive dynamics, when possible, are kindness and compassion in action towards those that have been harmed, and ultimately, to larger groups and collectives.

He also read the Metta Sutta, a Buddhist teaching. I have included some of the verses of this text (translated by Gil Fronsdal) that resonated more with me, as a wish and maybe something to aspire towards and reflect on, for oneself and others, this New Year.

“May all be happy and secure; / May all beings be happy at heart.
All living beings, whether weak or strong, / Tall, large, medium, or short,
Tiny or big, / Seen or unseen, / Near or distant, / Born or to be born,
May they all be happy.
Let no one deceive another / Or despise anyone anywhere;
Let no one through anger or aversion / Wish for others to suffer.”

As a mother would risk her own life / To protect her child, her only child,
So toward all beings should one / Cultivate a boundless heart.
With loving-kindness for the whole world should one / Cultivate a boundless heart,
Above, below, and all around / Without obstruction, without hate and without ill-will.
Standing or walking, sitting or lying down, / Whenever one is awake,
May one stay with this recollection. / This is called a sublime abiding, here and now.