Continued….      Boat trips

As I mentioned in the previous post a few days ago I took a very short trip to Athens, which involved two four hour boat trips that can be quite boring if one has nothing to do and is not very keen on TV. So, no matter how light I travel I make sure I have something to read or write in. During this trip I printed a few chapters from the e-book I have been currently reading and a chapter on self-compassion. For some reason the papers attracted others’ attention, who not only commented on the reasons why someone might study or be reading psychology related material, but also the fact that the material was in English.  Well, both James Hollis and Kristin Neff happen to write in English and I happen to be able to read English….. In any case, the title of James Hollis’ book is Living an Examined Life, and I will quote one short extract from chapter one: ‘Whether you show up as you in this brief transit we call life or are defined by history or context, or shrill partisan urgencies substantially depends on you. No greater difficulty may be found than living this journey as mindfully, as accountably as we can, but no greater task brings more dignity and purpose to our lives. Swimming in this milky sea of mystery, we long to make sense of things, figure out who we are, wither bound, and to what end, while the eons roll on in their mindless ways. It falls then to us to make sense of this journey’.

The chapter was written by Kristin Neff and one can read it at: http://self-compassion.org/wp-content/uploads/publications/SC-Germer-Chapter.pdf.  The title of the chapter is The Science of Self-Compassion and it begins with a lovely quote by Pema Chodron (2001, cited in Neff, 2012)

‘When you begin to touch your heart or let your heart be touched, you begin to discover that it’s bottomless, that it doesn’t have any resolution, that this heart is huge, vast, and limitless. You begin to discover how much warmth and gentleness is there, as well as how much space’

In this chapter Neff refers to compassion and self-compassion, which both contain an intention to alleviate suffering. She writes ‘compassion, presupposes the recognition and clear seeing of suffering.  It entails feelings of kindness, care, and understanding for people who are in pain, so that the desire to ameliorate suffering naturally emerges. Finally, compassion involves recognizing the shared human condition, fragile and imperfect as it is. Self-compassion has exactly the same qualities; it’s just compassion turned inward’. She basically defines self-compassion as being composed of three main components: self-kindness, a sense of common humanity, and mindfulness, which initially requires one to be present with what is and have the capacity to hold the discomfort or suffering. This eventually allows one to more often than not have the presence of mind to respond and not react to things that occur.  The chapter includes the results of many research findings linked to the many significant benefits of self compassion in many areas of our life. It also distinguishes self-compassion from self-esteem and mindful acceptance. Chris Germer, notes that self-compassion adds another dimension to mindful acceptance. ‘Whereas acceptance usually refers to what’s happening to us, accepting a feeling or a thought – self-compassion is acceptance of the person to whom it’s happening. It’s acceptance of ourselves while we’re in pain”. Finally, Rick Hanson is hosting a summit on Resilience at the moment, and Kristin Neff is one of the participants since self-compassion has been found to foster both grit and resilience. During their discussion she adds that self-compassion also has another more fierce element, that of self protection and boundary setting.

And because I am fond of writing and journaling, I will refer to the writing exercise suggested in this chapter: Self-Compassionate Letter (Candidly describe a problem that tends to make you feel bad about yourself………. Note what emotions come up shame, anger, sadness, fear, as you write. Next, think of an imaginary friend who is unconditionally accepting and compassionate; someone who knows all your strengths and weaknesses, understands your life history, your current circumstances, and understands the limits of human nature………. Finally, write a letter to yourself from that perspective. What would your friend say about your perceived problem? What words would he or she use to convey deep compassion? How would your friend remind you that you’re only human?  If your friend were to make any suggestions, how would they reflect unconditional understanding?  When you’re done writing, put the letter down for a while and come back to it later. Then read the letter again, letting the words sink in, allowing yourself to be soothed and comforted (Germer, 2009, cited in Neff, 2012).