My trip to Athens: What I read, saw and listened to Edited 8/12/2023
Have compassion for everyone you meet, // even if they don’t want it. What seems conceit,
bad manners, or cynicism is always a sign // of things no ears have heard, no eyes have seen.
You do not know what wars are going on // down there where the spirit meets the bone.
From The Ways We Touch: Poems by Miller Williams
“Indeed, one reason for the idea of “liberated” HSPs [highly sensitive persons], was the seemingly odd mixture of traits emerging from study after study of gifted adults: impulsivity, curiosity, the strong need for independence, a high energy level, along with introversion, intuitiveness, emotional sensitivity, and nonconformity.” Elaine N. Aron
“Relationships shape health outcomes throughout the life course and have a cumulative impact on health over time…” Debra Umberson and Jennifer Karas Montez
“We are the landscape of all we have seen” Isamu Noguchi, Japanese-American artist
After almost two years on the island with no breaks I spent a few days in Athens. I visited family, had a medical check-up, and did some dental work. I also managed to squeeze in a visit to the new National Gallery, something I felt I wanted or needed to do for ages. So, today’s post is about some of what I managed to read, listen, see and observe amidst the busyness and the hours stuck in traffic…..
While packing I listened to the week’s Being Well episode that included several topics with Forrest and Dr Rick Hanson. The first theme involved communication habits and strategies in relationships and the need to talk about how we talk, Rick Hanson says “My rule of thumb personally is that significant relationships need to be able to talk about talking and they need to be able to repair. Both of those are absolute gold standard virtues,” They touch upon what might consist abuse, various power dynamics, the strategies of distancing and controlling what can be discussed, the function of communication behaviours, and the difference between being long-winded or chatty, which is just a tendency, and filibustering somebody else, which can be abusive and which Forrest Hanson says “is really problematic, because that’s the only one where there’s a power assertion being made inside of the relationship.”
Another topic discussed was the natural temperamental spectrum of humans, and how socialization, events in their lives and their current conditions, interact with their natural tendencies, for better or worse. Their focus is mostly on competitiveness and sensitivity. Some people tend to be intensely competitive, which is sometimes connected with a certain amount of aggressiveness, and need to dominate. They also mention the biological rootedness of social comparing in our nature as social primates. Rick Hanson says that humans are designed to compare ourselves to others, and this is part of our capacity to feel shame, which also generates our feelings of inferiority and less than, but this is kind of a necessary basis for the co-evolution of our beautiful capacities for altruism, generosity, and charity, because if we’re not able to feel shame or remorse, then there’s no basis for the development of healthy altruism.
They discuss (highly) sensitive people, which as they say can perform a useful function in cultural and social systems or in families and friend groups because sensitive people are that “canary in the coal mine” that recognizes toxic or unhealthy dynamics and practices,, but they need to recognize their sensitivity and act accordingly. Forrest Hanson says “So, there’s this kind of dance between you’re doing something helpful for people, and you’re doing something valuable for yourself, but you’re also doing what you can to build up those resources so you feel less disrupted by it.” They briefly try to unpack the notion of identifying as a highly sensitive person [HSP], and the possible crossover with post traumatic stress, or attention deficits, dyslexia or any other form of neurodiversity, and they acknowledge the high complexity of all this.
Rick Hanson says: “What’s going on here is a lot of complexity. There are a lot of chickens and a lot of eggs, which came first?…. So [trauma]… and life experiences landing on a sensitive person are going to tend to have more impact than on a more phlegmatic, just kind of “whatever, what, me worry?” kind of person. So, obviously, then sensitivity could tend to predispose somebody to PTSD, not letting the environment off the hook, just acknowledging that in the stress-diathesis model, it’s the combination of what is happening along with the vulnerability of the person, offset by resources which may or may not be present. So all that’s, to me, really, really normal….There’s been a growing appreciation for the individualization of care, and a broadening of what our friend Gabor Maté calls “The Myth of Normal.” What is normal anyway? I get it about normal molecules of water, you know, two atoms of hydrogen, one atom of oxygen, gotcha, but normal human being? Huh, you know, it’s a really broad range, and so it’s really important to acknowledge where you are, and normalize you, you are normally you, you are you whoever you are, are incredibly normal as you. And validating that, and appreciating that, and then constructing a world around you that’s a good fit for you is to me, really appropriate to do with a lot of nurturing and compassion for yourself.”
They conclude that sensitivity is a broad category, and that 20 to 30 percent of people would qualify for being a HSP in some way, which is almost a third of the population. And Rick Hanson says: “if thirty percent of the population is highly something-where’s the center of the distribution?…….’ and that “maybe we need to recalibrate our notion of being a human, particularly thinking about this, if you’re not being crushed daily by an intense workload, what would be the natural sensitivity that could develop in more benign circumstances? In other words, when people are not being numbed, and blunted, and squashed by their environments….”
They also refer to Elaine N. Aron’s work, which I came upon perhaps a decade ago. Maybe I’ve written about her work in an older post. .Anyway, below is a quote from her book: The Highly Sensitive Person
“HSPs tend to fill that advisor role. We are the writers, historians, philosophers, judges, artists, researchers, theologians, therapists, teachers, parents, and plain conscientious citizens. What we bring to any of these roles is a tendency to think about all the possible effects of an idea. …”
Forrest and Rick discuss more topics, which you can listen to or watch at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MjGXsD9Xhb8
For the trip I only packed a few articles to keep my luggage light, and also, because I expected to buy a book or two in Athens. One of the articles I read on the boat was Social Relationships and Health: A Flashpoint for Health Policy by Dr Debra Umberson and Jennifer Karas Montez. I only recently came across Umberson’s research work as I’ve been looking for material on grief related to adult children losing one or both parents and the identity shifts that inevitably take place, I hope to write and post something after Christmas. Summarily, they discuss major findings in the study of social relationships and health, and how this knowledge could be translated into policies that promote population health. Key research findings include: (1) social relationships have significant effects on health; (2) social relationships affect health through behavioral, psychosocial, and physiological pathways; (3) relationships have both costs and benefits for health; (4) relationships shape health outcomes throughout the life course and have a cumulative impact on health over time; and (5) the costs and benefits of social relationships are not distributed equally in the population.
The article mentioned above focuses on how both the quantity and quality of our social relationships affect mental and physical health, health behaviour and mortality risk. Overburdened, strained, conflicted, abusive social ties can undermine health, and supportive social ties may have indirect effects on health through enhanced mental health, by reducing the impact of stress, or by fostering a sense of meaning and purpose in life. Social ties may trigger physiological sequelae that are beneficial to health and minimize unpleasant arousal that instigates risky behavior. They may enhance personal control, which is advantageous for health habits, and mental and physical health. The article explores the link between social relationships and short-and long-term health outcomes. These effects often emerge in childhood and cascade throughout life to foster cumulative advantage or disadvantage in health. Various factors and explanations for this link are identified and social variation by gender and “race” at the population level are also discussed.
Umberson and Montez support that “a growing body of theoretical and empirical work illustrates how social conditions foster cumulative advantage and disadvantage for health over the life course.” They cite research that suggests that while social relationships are the central source of emotional support for most people, social relationships can often be extremely stressful, and that relationship stress undermines health through behavioral, psychosocial, and physiological pathways. Research findings support that stress in relationships contributes to poor health habits in childhood, adolescence, and adulthood, and to psychological distress and physiological arousal (e.g., increased heart rate and blood pressure, compromised immune and endocrine function) that can damage health through cumulative wear and tear on physiological systems, and by leading people to engage in unhealthy behaviors.
I also read Peter Singer’s 1971 essay: Famine, Affluence, and Morality. Singer is a philosopher, ethicist, writer, professor, and is considered by many the person who put animal rights on the map. In this essay he argues that we have a moral obligation to both those near us and those far away and we should do what we can to help people living in extreme poverty and prevent people dying from starvation.
An extract from the essay:
“I begin with the assumption that suffering and death from lack of food, shelter, and medical care are bad. I think most people will agree about this, although one may reach the same view by different routes. I shall not argue for this view. People can hold all sorts of eccentric positions, and perhaps from some of them it would not follow that death by starvation is in itself bad. It is difficult, perhaps impossible, to refute such positions, and so for brevity I will henceforth take this assumption as accepted. Those who disagree need read no further.”
“Losing our parent is like losing part of oneself.” Debra Umberson
While in Athens and amidst the things I had to do, I found the time to walk in the city, visit a book shop, where I bought a translated version of Debra Umberson’s book The Death of a Parent (Ο Θάνατος ενός Γονιού – Εκδόσεις ΜΑΚΡΗ), and The National Gallery, which exhibits Greek and European art from the 14th century to the 20th century. The newly renovated building reopened after an 8 year refurbishment in 2021. This visit was a totally different experience from my past visits, and also, seeing the actual paintings of many well known Greek artists, of the 20th century, many of which I had only seen in art books or slides, felt like small awakenings.
“As I am, so are others; as others are, so am I.
Having thus identified self and others,
harm no one nor have them harmed.” Sutta Nipāta 3.710
Finally, I will end this post with something I don’t often do, with quotes from Buddhist texts related to cultivating a kinder and healthier way of living from Rick Hanson’s weekly meditation sessions page. I don’t know them by heart, but during my recent trip, as I observed people and interactions and listened to stories, I found myself bringing to mind the essence of the quotes I have included in this piece today.
May all beings be happy and secure. // May all beings be happy at heart!
Omitting none, whether they are weak or strong, // seen or unseen, near or distant, born or to-be-born:
May all beings be happy.
Let none deceive another, // or despise anyone anywhere,
or through anger or ill will wish for another to suffer.
Just as a mother would protect her child, her only child, // with her own life,
even so you should cultivate a boundless heart toward all beings.
You should cultivate kindness // toward the whole world with a boundless heart:
above, below, and all around, // unobstructed, without enmity or hate.
Whether standing, walking, sitting, or lying down, // as long as you are alert,
you should be resolved upon this mindfulness.
This is called a sublime abiding here and now.
Adapted from the Metta Sutta