‘Women need to fully embrace and integrate both tender and fierce compassion if we are ever going to free ourselves from patriarchy’ Kristin Neff

‘The three core components of self-compassion according to my theoretical model are self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness of suffering. These manifest in yin self-compassion as loving, connected presence. Self-kindness means we soothe and comfort ourselves when in pain. Common humanity involves recognizing that suffering is part of the shared human condition. Mindfulness allows us to be with and validate our pain in an open, accepting manner. When we hold our pain with loving, connected presence, we start to transform and heal. With yang self-compassion, the three components show up as fierce, empowered truth. Self-kindness means we fiercely protect ourselves. We stand up and say “NO! You cannot harm me in this way.” Common humanity helps us to recognize that we are not alone. We don’t need to hang our heads in shame. We can stand together with our brothers and sisters in the experience of being harmed and become empowered as a result. Me too. And mindfulness manifests as clearly seeing the truth. We no longer choose to avoid seeing or telling in order not to rock the boat. The boat needs to be rocked. When we hold our pain with fierce-empowered-truth we can speak up and tell our stories, to protect ourselves and others from being harmed. It is challenging to hold loving, connected presence together with fierce, empowered truth because their energies feel so different. But we need to do so if we are going to effectively stand up to patriarchy, to racism, and the people in power that are destroying our planet. We need both simultaneously, as advocated by great leaders such as Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Theresa or Martin Luther King, Jr.’ (Kristin Neff, from her website)