Maps and mourning sites…..
I have been meaning to write about maps… for some time, but never got around to it; however, currently reading Dr Clarissa Pinkola Estes’ book brought it to the foreground again. So, in this brief post I will be making references to an intervention she has developed. She calls it Descansos. Descansos are to be found in various places like Mexico, on the edges of cliffs along scenic but dangerous roads in Italy, Greece and other Mediterranean countries and maybe other places, too. In Greece they are called Eικονοστάσια (icon + resting places). Some are elaborate and some are minimal, but they all mark a tragic loss. They are symbols that mark a death right on the spot where someone’s life journey was unexpectedly ended.
They may be simple crosses with people’s names inscribed on them by the roadway. She writes ‘in the rockiest passes, the cross is just painted onto a large rock at the roadside.’ In Greece they often resemble miniature churches made of various material on stilts. A religious icon, the person’s photograph and name, a message from loved ones, a plant or a vase with flowers are usually placed in these little containers. When loved ones live close by a small light is kept burning.
Dr Estes writes ‘women have died a thousand deaths before they are twenty years old. They’ve gone in this direction or that, and have been cut off. They have hopes and dreams that have been cut off also. Anyone who says otherwise is still asleep….. all that is grist for the mill of descansos.’ What has been lost, taken or abruptly ended needs to be acknowledged and mourned so that individuation and an awakening of sorts may take place. Making descansos as a healing practice involves taking a look at one’s life by making a time-line of a woman’s life on a big long sheet of white butcher paper, and marking with a cross where the small and big deaths have taken place and need to be articulated and mourned ….. ‘starting with her infancy all the way to the present where parts and pieces of herself and her life have died. We mark where there were roads not taken, paths that were cut off, ambushes, betrayals’ (C,P.Estes). I often think the crosses on these maps coincide with the instructions and road maps handed to us on a certain developmental chair, a woman’s early wounding and conditioning to be a certain way, cultural, relational, educational and health related violations and experiences, all the way up to menopause, even later, depending on when the reckoning will finally take place.
The work involves discerning what has been mourned, what has not and what has been forgotten and not surfaced yet, as well as, what has been forgiven and released. As I understand, this work can become the basis for constructing a coherent life narrative within a larger and more dynamic background. According to Dr Estes, Descansos is a conscious practice that feels compassion for and honors the orphaned parts of our psyche, and the aspects of self that were on their way to somewhere, but never arrived. Descansos requires compassion and gentleness and fosters new meaning making. The process allows one to slowly put down the burdens and lay matters to rest. As with many interventions the presence of an informed and compassionate witness or guide facilitates the grieving process and the healing.
A painting and a book on narcissism, schemata and mindful awareness
