‘ Clearly creativity emanates from something that rises, rolls, surges, and spills into us rather than from something that just stands there hoping that we might, however circuitously, find our way to it. In that sense we can never “lose” our creativity. It is always there, filling us or else colliding with whatever obstacles are placed in its path. If it finds no inlet to us, it backs up, gathers energy, and rams forward again till it breaks through. The only ways we can avoid its insistent energy are to continuously mount barriers against it, or to allow it to be poisoned by destructive negativity and negligence. If we are gasping for creative energy; if we have trouble pulling down the fertile, the imaginative, the ideational; if we have difficulty focusing on our personal vision, acting on it, or following through with it, then something has gone wrong at the water spill juncture between the headwaters and the tributary. Perhaps one’s creative waters are flowing through a polluting environment wherein the life forms of imagination are killed off before they can grow to maturity. More often than not, when a woman is bereft of her creative life, all these circumstances are at the root of the issue……………

….. Sometimes it is not only the woman who is drying out. Sometimes, essential aspects of one’s micro-environment— the family or the workplace, for instance— or one’s larger culture are caking and cracking to dust also, and these affect and afflict her. In order for her to contribute to helping aright these conditions, a return to her own skin, her own instinctual common sense, and her own return to home are necessary. As we have seen, it is hard to recognize our condition until we become like seal woman in her distress: peeling, limping, losing juice, going blind. So it is a gift from the immense vitality of the psyche, then, that there is deep in the unconscious a caller……….. who rises to the surface of our consciousness and begins to incessantly call us back to our true natures…..’  Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés

Gratitude and mud…….

Today’s post is about gratitude because it has been a salient experience over the last week. A family member fell off a motorcycle and got away with bruises and cuts only, which grounded me in a state of deep gratitude. I have also been using a gratitude exercise I recently picked up, which focuses on both present and future gratitude. Summarily, we first write five or six spontaneous statements of gratitude (e.g. I am grateful for the fresh, clean water available to me every day because so many people across the globe go without or I am grateful for waking up this morning…  I am grateful for this poem that moves my heart…… and so on) that refer to the present, and then statements of gratitude about the future using present tenses, as if the things we are grateful for have already happened. This seems to free desire and hope.

In his book Resilient Rick Hanson discusses how to turn experience into resilience. He suggests we focus on the experience that we want to develop in ourself, such as, gratitude, and then keep it going to increase its consolidation in our nervous system. This is the basic process of positive brain change because our brain is shaped by our experiences, which are shaped by what we put our attention on. So, when we rest our attention on an experience of psychological resource like gratitude, we hardwire it into our nervous system. We can experience gratitude and compassion and contentment while other less positive things are going on in our life or around us. Rick Hanson writes: ‘while you are having a beneficial experience, other things could be in awareness as well…. These other things do not cancel out the beneficial experience. Both are true: the negative and the positive, the bitter and the sweet’.

I am also often grateful for works of art that touch or inspire me. Ponge is a poet I discovered by chance in adolescence and I was amazed by the tenderness and deep insights he found in simple objects and ‘mundane’ things like mud… So, today, I am sharing Francis Ponge’s: Mud, the Unfinished Ode

‘Our soul resents it. Our feet and wheels trample it. “Mud” is how we address those we hate, paying little attention to the injustice done to the mud. Does it really deserve the constant humiliation, attacked with such an atrocious persistence? Mud, so despised, I love you. Mud is pleasant to the noble hearts because it is despised. In my essay, oh mud, fly in the face of your detractors! How beautiful you look after the rain has softened you — beautiful, you, carried on blue wings!

When not only the distant, but all that is close-by has turned dark and like in a dream with a funeral, the rain beats suddenly, bruising the earth. That is when the ground starts melting into mud. And those of pure gaze adore it. The azure kneels upon the slimy body broken by the hostile wheels; during long intervals from a deep teal to an opinionated passage, who knows where, liberty and devotion guide our steps. This is how a savage spot turns into a loveliest place giving off a powdered odour.

From there on, the earth’s finest flower, the bane of artist’s life, mud flies best, and defends itself best against the feet of its detractors. All by itself, it resists our direct approach, forcing long detours on stilts. And it’s not due to the lack of hospitality or a surplus of jealousy, since she immediately attaches herself to whoever is coming by —  that dog of mud keeps jumping on me, holding onto my foot; and she holds with tenacity, no matter her age — the older, the stronger the grip: When I trespass, when I enter her domain, she doesn’t let me go, but fastens onto my limbs, lassos them with elastic traps, grapples them like wrestlers lying on the ground.

What do you think about such lasting connection? You find it overbearing? Not me. An emotional tie I can readily forgive. I certainly prefer it to indifference: better to be caked in mud than making little progress. I adore it, although my pace is slackened; and I am grateful in spite of all the detours forced upon me.

Mud appeals to the valiant. You left your footprints on her face — she’s got your number and will pay back. Your destiny is sealed. She dies clenching her jaws. Mud perseveres, you have to wait for her to dry before she lets go. Its stick-to-it-ive-ness is that of ivy. You cannot brush her off. Try better scraping with a knife, scratching to dust, — that’s right, dust, which shares the destiny of all the carbohydrates, including ourselves.

Certain books, whose time has passed — they have done all the damage, as well as all the good  they could, had claimed mud as the origins of man. Man is an imposter and is not without his pretentious claims. Certainly, the claim was meant as derogatory, to keep us down, to strip us of all the pretensions. Actually it is derogatory for both mud and man. There are no obvious ties of close kinship between the two of us. Man’s flesh is too pink for that — we’ll talk about man in his turn. As for the mud’s pretensions, the most important of them is that there’s nothing we can do to it and that we cannot give it any structure.

It carries on the way snails and earthworms do when they pass through it, and reciprocally, the way mud passes through them – phlegmatically like slime passes through certain fish. If I were poetically inclined, I could continue the way I did earlier when talking about mud-wrestling, lassos and ivy; but myself, just like all the others who happen to be bogged down and should let mud dry, waiting on the side of the road, I need to let it dry now in this text. Although truth be told, I cling to that mud a lot more than the mud clings to my poem; so, it is really up to me to quit putting mud into words, especially since by definition, mud is hostile to form and is the bastion of resistance to all things artistic; in fact, I believe it entices me in order to frustrate. Therefore, the best I can do to its glory and my shame is diligently quit wrestling with this unfinished ode….’


Exile and belonging

There are many ways to write about awakening from a more constricted and ego lens reality. There are also many fields of knowledge and aspects of experience one can use to inform their narrative. Myths, fairy tales and folklore across cultures and eras are containers of universal journeys into the depths of the psyche and into the outer world. Many are stories of a hero or heroine’s quest to freedom, love and the truth. These short stories can be read at a subjective and objective level. The characters can reflect aspects of our soul and the collective unconscious, as well as, the workings of  outer environments. I have over time posted bits on Andersen’s tales and archetypes from Greek mythology, the capacity of myths to awaken us and bring insights, and also, their potential to be used as tools to work on healing and growth. One theme dear to my heart is exile and belonging, which has been negotiated in stories since antiquity.

In her book: Women Who Run With the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype, Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés, refers to and beautifully adapts myths from many cultures to weave her narrative of our journey into the depths of our psyche to own ourselves and our right to be here.  In one of the book chapters she focuses on exile and belonging and she makes references to fairy tales and myths from Sleeping Beauty and the Ugly Duckling to the Greek myth of Hephaestus, who is hurled off Mount Olympus because he took his mother’s, Hera’s, side in an argument, which infuriated  her husband Zeus,  Dr C. P. Estes writes ‘the problem of the exiled one is primeval. Many fairy tales and myths center around the theme of the outcast. In such tales, the central figure is tortured by events outside her venue’. She writes that things may go wrong from the beginning and one might be born into a family who puzzles over how this ‘small alien managed to infiltrate the family’ and exile can be brought about through neglect, abandonment, meanness and cruelty or even through striking a bargain, which one does not fully understand.

Below are extracts from Dr C. P. Estes’ sixth chapter on exile and belonging:

‘You may not belong to your original family at all. You may match your family genetically, but temperamentally you may belong to another group of people. Or you may belong to your family perfunctorily while your soul leaps out, runs down the road, and is gluttonously happy munching spiritual cookies somewhere else. Hans Christian Andersen1 wrote dozens of literary stories about children who were orphans. He was a premier advocate of the lost and neglected child and he strongly supported searching for and finding one’s own kind……….For the last two centuries “The Ugly Duckling” has been one of the few stories to encourage successive generations of “outsiders” to hold on till they find their own. It is what I would call a psychological and spiritual root story. A root story is one that contains a truth so fundamental to human development that without integration of this fact, further progression is shaky, and one cannot entirely prosper psychologically until this point is realized’.

“The Ugly Duckling” theme is universal. All stories of “the exile” contain the same nucleus of meaning, but each is surrounded by different frills and furbelows reflecting the cultural background of the story as well as the poetry of the individual teller. The core meanings we are concerned with are these: The duckling of the story is symbolic of the wild nature, which, when pressed into circumstances of little nurture, instinctively strives to continue no matter what. The wild nature instinctively holds on and holds out, sometimes with style, other times with little grace……… The other important aspect of the story is that when an individual’s particular kind of soulfulness, which is both an instinctual and a spiritual identity, is surrounded by psychic acknowledgment and acceptance, that person feels life and power as never before. Ascertaining one’s own psychic family brings a person vitality and belongingness.

‘Girl children who display a strong instinctive nature often experience significant suffering in early life. From the time they are babies, they are taken captive, domesticated, told they are wrongheaded and improper. Their wildish natures show up early. They are curious, artful, and have gentle eccentricities of various sorts, ones that, if developed, will constitute the basis for their creativity for the rest of their lives. Considering that the creative life is the soul’s food and water, this basic development is excruciatingly critical. Generally, early exile begins through no fault of one’s own and is exacerbated by the misunderstanding, the cruelty of ignorance, or through the intentional meanness of others. Then, the basic self of the psyche is wounded early on …..In many cultures, there is an expectation when the female child is born that she is or will become a certain type of person, acting in a certain time-honored way, that she will have a certain set of values, which if not identical to the family’s, then at least based on the family’s values, and which at any rate will not rock the boat. These expectations are defined very narrowly when one or both parents suffer from a desire for “the angel child,” that is, the “perfect” conforming child…….. If the child is wildish, she may, unfortunately, be subjected to her parents’ attempts at psychic surgery over and over again, for they are trying to re-make the child, and more so trying to change what her soul requires of her. Though her soul requires seeing, the culture around her requires sightlessness. Though her soul wishes to speak its truth, she is pressured to be silent. Neither the child’s soul nor her psyche can accommodate this. Pressure to be “adequate,” in whatever manner authority defines it, can chase the child away, or underground, or set her to wander for a long time looking for a place of nourishment and peace….’