Trauma & Art

Synchronicities…..

Yesterday I watched Good Will Hunting starring: Ben Affleck, Matt Damon and Robin William and directed by Gus Van Sant in 1997. I had previously watched it a couple of times back in 2011 because of a reaction paper I had to write in a counseling laboratory. One of the main characters is Will, ‘who is presented as a tough young man from a run down neighbourhood that has been in and out of different foster families and is currently working as a janitor at a prestigious technical college. He mostly spends his time hanging out with his best friends and gets involved in street fights and other crimes like theft, assault and so on. However, Will is highly intelligent, has an exceptional memory and a talent for solving challenging Maths problems. His proving a difficult theorem results in attracting the interest of one of the professor’s at the college, which will be conducive to changing his life because when Will is convicted to do some time in prison the professor arranges his probation on the condition that he receives Maths classes and counseling. After several unsuccessful counseling attempts he enters therapy with Sean, whom he shares a common background (e.g. they are both Southies, have lived in the same neighbourhood, have experienced childhood physical abuse) and has common interests’ (2011, Introductory Counseling laboratory-PSY 502).

Then a little while later as I was putting things away I found a copy of this paper and it brought back memories of how interpersonal experiences influence us in small or bigger ways. Actually, the film allows us to see how interpersonal interactions have the potential to change us in some manner. In the reaction paper I had written ‘shifts occur in both Sean and Will’s lives and the therapeutic experience seems to have facilitated processing of painful material and loss for both. Evidence suggests that both the therapist and client can produce new neurons in the brain as a result of their interaction (cited in Ivey et al., 2007). Moreover, Sean’s comfort level with difficult emotions seems high and this allows him to be a more observant, empathic and effective therapist. However, we do not witness Sean reflecting Will’s feelings but mostly we see him naming them or presupposing their existence (for instance, fear). I suppose Sean based his approach on his knowledge of trauma and his client and the fact that Will was not comfortable with emotions in the first place’ (2011, Introductory Counseling laboratory-PSY 502).

Anyway, in the evening while I was reading e-mails I found an article It’s Not Your Fault: Overcoming Trauma at Psychalive (https://www.psychalive.org/not-fault-overcoming-trauma-facing-truth/), which to my surprise referred to this same film. The article written by Lisa Firestone begins ‘there is a famous scene in the film Good Will Hunting where Robin Williams, playing a therapist, compassionately repeats the line “It’s not your fault” to Will, a troubled young man with self-destructive tendencies, who happens to be a genius. The line is a response to the revelation of abuse Will endured as a child. At first, Will is dismissive of the statement, but as his therapist steadily repeats “It’s not your fault,” he becomes increasingly agitated. Finally, he erupts into emotion, tearfully allowing the meaning of the words to sink in. This scene is a powerful signification of what trauma can do to a human being. It is also a testament to the importance of anyone who has experienced trauma embracing the irrefutable reality that it is not their fault’. This reality is explicitly expressed in John Bradshaw’s poem: My Name Is Toxic Shame

I pierced you to the core… I brought feelings of being flawed and defective…

I made you feel different… I am empowered by the shocking intensity of a parent’s rage…

The touch that feels icky and frightening… The slap, the pinch, the jerk that ruptures trust…

I bring pain that is chronic… I make you feel hopeless like there is no way out…

My pain is so intense that you must numb out and no longer feel me.’                             

Interestingly, in that paper back in 2011 had written ‘however, what was positive was the emphasis Sean put on making it clear and getting it across to Will that it was not his fault. It was a very powerful and moving moment and highlighted the fact that shame, guilt and self blame are the unfortunate, debilitating repercussions of abuse and how important it is to address this in therapy’.

…… Milk in a blue bowl. The yellow linoleum / The cat stretching her black body from the pillow

The way she makes her curvaceous response to the small, kind gesture / Then laps the bowl clean

Then wants to go out into the world, / where she leaps lightly and for no apparent reason across the lawn, then sits, perfectly still, in the grass….  (From Morning by Mary Oliver)

I spent most of Sunday (yesterday) on the computer and doing things around the house. Then I felt I should do something relaxing before the day ended and decided to go for a late brisk walk by the sea. When we got back after an hour or two a familiar yet shocking scene awaited us outside our house. One of our kittens had been killed and left outside the gate. How many animal cruelties had I suffered? How many more I gasped? I felt anger and sadness and I cried in the street as I witnessed this irrational suffering inflicted upon innocent creatures. I realised that I should have expected something like that happening, but still there was not much I could have done for cats and kittens come and go as they please. They climb fences and walls and slip under gates and vanish up trees. One minute they’re here and the next they’re gone. As Michael Rosen writes in a short children’s story about a ginger cat, ‘They have me to tickle, I have their laps. Other times I am nowhere and everywhere’. And that’s how it is.’

A couple of weeks prior to this incident I had put a little poster on our letter box saying that we were giving away kittens to anyone interested. A few days later someone left us a very young malnourished kitten. I thought it was bad or sick humor; still I adopted the kitten, called her Orphan, wondering what I would do with all these kitties. And then a few days later someone took the bag of cat sand that was in the garden. I didn’t pay much attention and though I had suffered harassment and pet and amimal cruelty before I did not see this coming. Once I got into the house I wondered about the profile of individuals or groups… that do these kinds of acts and I googled similar stories and scientific articles and research on animal cruelty, psychopathology, relevant disorders and sociopathic behaviours and considered posting a photo of this and the previous kitten we had found amputated and plenty of references to articles. However, as I calmed down I had second thoughts as I considered the strong impact that images leave on us. I eventually decided to stay with my emotions, go to bed and process the incident through drawing the following days and then post that instead. So, this drawing today is the product of this process.

Finally, I will end with two quotes: one from The Dalai Lama’s Cat, by David Michie: “Surely you’re not saying that the life of a human and the life of an animal are of the same value?’ he ventured…. ‘As humans we have much greater potential, of course,’ His Holiness replied. ‘But the way we all want very much to stay alive, the way we cling to our particular experience of consciousness-in this way human and animal are equal.”                    And another from Father Gregory Boyle’s book, Tattoos on the Heart: The Power of Boundless Compassion, ‘Kindness is the only strength there is’