Family dynamics and social practices
Continued………. Two short extracts from a memoir in progress……..
Breaking the silence comes at a cost and requires courage and determination, and probably nobody breaks the silence without good cause. The reasons for speaking out are many. They vary from honouring oneself for having survived to causing a small ripple out there in the world, from fighting for justice and restoration to keeping safe. From trying to find a channel to express pent up creativity to simply surviving. Every voice or small act against abuse, injustice or any form of oppression hopefully creates a crack, a small shift in dynamics. The publication of Let me be in 2007 created a huge backlash I was neither prepared for nor had expected. A long series of losses and rights violations have taken place in all areas of our lives (my family’s and mine) since. What has mostly become very clear is that the personal and familial is tightly interwoven with the societal and cultural, and that all forms of -isms and subjugation of others take place in particular historical or political contexts. The more I peeled the layers of trauma and broke the silence the more I became aware of the people in many contexts that were invested in preventing me from writing, exhibiting, obtaining degrees, working, expressing views, finding family members, accessing documents, travelling, feeling safe in my home or in the street, receiving post, supporting charity organisations abroad, etc, etc. My family has suffered threats, accidents, financial losses, harassment and much more in various contexts. Let me be, the posters of artwork displayed in streets and this site are all products of this long journey and struggle towards deeper understanding and freedom from the trauma, through processes of acceptance and letting go, but are also a means to set boundaries and increase safety and freedom in the country I am living. Through trial and error I have worked hard for the past ten years to fight for my rights and restore areas of my life. In the end it should be everybody’s inherent right to explore their life and truths, to fulfil their potential and be able to take certain rights that most people enjoy for granted, independently of their origins, place of birth, childhood experiences or interests and aspirations.
Below I am posting something relevant to the most recent art journal pages. It is a very small extract from a memoir in progress.
The violence
Those who decide to heal from trauma, inevitably embark on a long journey of exploration of internal and external realities, of dynamics and contexts, in order to eventually make new meaning of their life experience and achieve increased clarity. A lot of new knowledge is acquired on the way and new unexpected depths of understanding are reached. New associations are constantly constructed, as places and experiences are revisited and as one peels away the multiple layers of memories and defences. Old interests, passions and choices, whether pertinent to relationships, employment, study, lifestyle, family or investments are all scrutinized or evaluated from a new and different perspective. During this long walk home it becomes increasingly important to understand how tightly and inherently the personal, the familial and the societal are interwoven. The obvious metaphor that springs to mind is that this process resembles the unravelling of a tightly knitted old jumper, which has probably shrunk over the years of wear and tear and can not fit one anymore or if it still fits it feels too tight and uncomfortable, stifling one’s movement and breathing as they go about their daily life or try to move on. Survivors of childhood trauma need to eventually return to the beginning, to their origins and explore this often elusive and distant territory and understand the circumstances, political and cultural contexts and discourse and power dynamics within the family and social groups they grew up in and also the far reaching consequences into their current reality. One will additionally realize that a great amount of knowledge and wisdom has been accumulated during this long and tiring journey home. As one sifts through material and experiences one gradually becomes aware that this journey is about rediscovering one’s true self, desires, values and needs.
Below are just a few links, definitions and material related to patriarchy, feminism, gender in/ equality, etc, which I probably started exploring more seriously mostly when I began my studies with the Open University UK in 2008. I have more recently been skimming through a lot of this type of material again, as part of delving deeper into familial and broader social environmental dynamics and experiences (June 20th, 2016 by Tonya Alexandri)
1. Patriarchy briefly defined
‘Patriarchy is a social structural phenomenon in which males have the privilege of dominance over females, both visibly and subliminally. This phenomenon is manifested in the values, attitudes, customs, expectations, and institutions of the society, and it is maintained through the process of socialization. Some societies are more patriarchal than others, but virtually all are characterized by the phenomenon in one form or another. Patriarchy is a function of male physical, social, economic, and political power”.
‘As already mentioned, to varying degrees, patriarchy is nearly universally prevalent. Although, as Gerda Lerner (1986) has noted, anthropologists have found societies in which sexual differences are not associated with practices of dominance or subordination, patriarchy does exist in the majority of societies. Often, patriarchy is associated more strongly with nations characterized by religious fundamentalism. Yet male domination and female subordination are salient features of social structure in virtually all societies, regardless of the race, ethnicity, class, or religion of the members. Most patriarchal societies have adopted characteristics associated with male domination, namely, aggression and power, as well as the consequences of these characteristics, namely, war and destruction’
From: http://www.encyclopedia.com/topic/Patriarchy.aspx
2. Sylvia Walby’s book: Theorizing Patriarchy
From: https://libcom.org/files/Theorizing%20Patriarchy%20-%20Sylvia%20Walby.pdf
3. Patriarchy and Women’s Subordination by Abeda Sultana
From:http://www.bdresearch.org/home/attachments/article/nArt/A5_12929-47213-1-PB.pdf
4. Bell Hooks’ writing focuses on the interconnectivity of gender, race, and class, and their ability to produce and perpetuate oppression and domination
‘Visionary feminism is a wise and loving politics. It is rooted in the love of male and female being, refusing to privilege one over the other. The soul of feminist politics is the commitment to ending patriarchal domination of women and men, girls and boys. Love cannot exist in any relationship that is based on domination and coercion. Males cannot love themselves in patriarchal culture if their very self-definition relies on submission to patriarchal rules. When men embrace feminist thinking and practice, which emphasizes the value of mutual growth and self-actualization in all relationships, their emotional well-being will be enhanced. A genuine feminist politics always brings us from bondage to freedom, from lovelessness to loving’