“One cannot hope to understand the phenomena of psychological distress, nor begin to think what can be done about them, without an analysis of how power is distributed and exercised within society” David Smail

“Women are socialized to suppress feelings of anger and frustration that are often natural outcomes of interpersonal conflicts…. this socialization process leads many women to experience negative psychological and physical reactions because they are fearful of expressing their thoughts and feelings….. Comstock refers to these dynamics as “prohibitions against anger”…” Jean Baker Miller (in Allen Ivey, Michael D’Andrea & Mary Bradford Ivey)

“Dialectics allows opposites to coexist, you can be weak and you can be strong; you can be happy and you can be sad. In the dialectical worldview, everything is in a constant state of change…” Marshia Linehan

 “…. I no longer see these disorders as distinct, but as individual manifestations of overwrought, amygdala-driven and dysregulated nervous systems. Just as emotion” Sebern F. Fisher

“Live it, say it, the “I can” that changes lives / all that you ask for, is where you’re afraid to go….” (Lyrics from Vasilis Lekkas’ song)

The artwork is by Vaso Katraki

In today’s post I’ll be mildly and briefly touching on some difficult and thorny topics, which require a lot more space for discussion. I’ll also refer to a song, a film, a book and a meditation session.

One of the positive things of living on a Greek island in the summer apart from the natural beauty, the sea and the long warm days are the many cultural events in open spaces. Last week I went to Vasilis Lekkas’ concert, which took place in the garden of an old mansion under a star lit sky among trees that have probably stood there for over a century. At some point the lyrics of one of the songs I hadn’t heard before caught my interest and got me thinking:

Live it, say it, the “I can” that changes lives / All that you ask for is where you’re afraid to go… / Don’t bow (to pressure)… don’t bow… / But dreams are keys that open cells … There are no prisons on earth that can lock the psyche… / Live it, say it, the “I can” that changes lives / all that you ask for, is where you’re afraid to go…. /  Live it, say it, the “I can” that changes lives / you wear wings, but they will open if you say that you dare… to fly, to fly…

I thought about the lyrics and of how maybe this common metaphor of “spreading your imaginary and symbolic wings to fly” often used to represent the realisation of dreams or reaching goals might not be the only relevant metaphor. Perhaps a more useful or complementary image could be to be rooted in the earth, like a tree, rooted, connected and resilient in the eight worldly winds that may sweep through and around you, touching the ground, present in the here and now, alert to current reality, but also the past, undistracted, awakened to broader levels of inner and outer realities. From this place, I think, there are more chances of being free and of fulfilling dreams and potential.

Speaking of wings a little while ago I watched a documentary film: Take These Broken Wings, directed by Daniel Mackler, featuring Joanne Greenberg, who had been diagnosed with schizophrenia, and after much trauma and suffering in the mental health system, went on to become a best-selling author of I Never Promised You a Rose Garden, and to write many more books (I have briefly referred to her in an older post), and Catherine Penney a survivor, of a traumatic childhood, whose symptoms were labeled schizophrenia, but was supported to heal from both her trauma and her symptoms or / and maladaptive responses. She went back to school and become a clinical nurse. The film also includes interviews with: a) Peter Breggin, psychiatrist, critic of shock treatment and psychiatric medication and advocate of replacing psychiatry’s use of drugs and electroconvulsive therapy with psychotherapy, education, empathy, love and other human services, b) Robert Whitaker, journalist and author – three of his books cover the history and practice of modern psychiatry, who has won numerous awards for science writing, was shortlisted for the 1999 Pulitzer Prize for Public Service for a series of articles questioning the ethics of certain psychiatric research, and Bertram Karon, psychoanalyst, psychotherapist and author. The film raises questions in relation to diagnoses, over use of medication and misinformation and, more helpful ways of viewing symptoms or clusters of symptoms. Ultimately, I think it is important to ask: Why are the symptoms here? & What happened to you? as Mate Gabor, among many others, often says, and most importantly How can we help without harming you or taking your agency away?.

Somewhat related to the above is Dr Marsha M. Linehan’s book Building a Life Worth Living. In her teens Marsha Linehan was subjected to electroconvulsive therapy, seclusion,  heavy medication and cold pack therapy. This is what she writes about cold pack therapy: “[it] involved being stripped naked, wrapped tightly in wet sheets that had been stored in a freezer, and strapped to the bed with restraints. You would lie there, immobile, for as long as four hours…. Most people find the discomfort and physical constriction so unbearable that the mere threat of the therapy is sufficient to discourage problem behavior…. The nurses had a simple but effective method of issuing such a threat. If we were talking instead of going to sleep, for instance, the nurses would rattle ice cubes in a metal container. That usually brought instant silence.” Linehan writes she was twice erroneously diagnosed. In reading her story we see that the symptoms and behaviours she displayed after she had entered the institute [not before she was sent there] were similar to today’s diagnostic criteria for borderline personality disorder, and also, that her stay there brought about severe memory loss.

During her time in the institute she made a vow to God to get out of that hell and help others get out too. She describes how this happened: “Thompson Two had a piano at one end, an upright piano, and I spent a lot of time playing. I had been an accomplished pianist at school, and I hadn’t yet lost that part of me on my descent into hell. Later, though, after I had multiple rounds of electroconvulsive therapy…… I lost my memory of just about everything and every person and, sadly, also my ability to read and remember musical notes and to play the piano. Playing the piano had always been a way to express my emotions. I still carry the hope that one of these days I will play again. It was at the piano that I later made my vow to God….. that I would get myself out of hell and that, once I did, I would go back into hell and get others out. That vow has guided and controlled most of my life since then.” A good friend that Linehan had made while in that clinic, Sebern Fisher, also went on to become a therapist and write a book on neuro-feedback and developmental trauma.

After leaving the institute when she was 20 years old, she went on to study. She earned an M.A. in 1970 and a Ph.D. in 1971, in social and experimental personality psychology, and then went on to develop Dialectical BehaviourTherapy, which according to Linehan is a behavioral treatment program, not so much an individual psychotherapy approach. Linehan is a researcher and professor of Psychology and Behavioral Science, has written many books and earned many awards. In addition to her work in psychology, she is also a trained Zen meditation teacher. In the foreword for her most recent book: Building a Life Worth Living, Dr Allen Frances, Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences, has written: “The therapy Marsha created is called Dialectical Behavior Therapy. DBT is the most effective treatment for highly suicidal and self-destructive people, often people diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (a terrible term, but we seem to be stuck with it). In the past half century there have been just two really influential clinical innovators in the field of mental health…… in 2011, the editors of Time magazine named DBT one of the 100 most important new science ideas of our time. That she has made this major contribution to psychology, a field previously dominated mostly by men, is testament not only to her intellectual creativity but also to her determination to overcome all obstacles. Many people come up with good ideas but don’t have what it takes to get them into the world. Marsha has the charisma, energy, commitment, and organizational skills to turn dream into reality. In myths the world over, heroes must first descend into the underworld, where they are faced with a series of epic challenges to be overcome before they can prevail in their heroic life journey. Once they succeed, they return to their country bearing some special new secret of life…..”

There is now a need for a constructive critique of practices, structures and power. David Smail claims that “One cannot hope to understand the phenomena of psychological distress, nor begin to think what can be done about them, without an analysis of how power is distributed and exercised within society” (cited in MacLachlan, McVeigh, Huss & Mannan, 2019). Another point to consider, as I’ve mentioned in previous posts, is the ineffectiveness of a biomedical understanding of health, addiction and mental distress that continues to dominate the relevant social discourse and current practices. Miriam Greenspan discusses three general myths from which many health practitioners and psychotherapists operate when working with people, in particular, women: a) “it’s all in your head”, and in doing so “avoid directing attention to the oppressive and unjust stressors that occur within women’s workplaces, families and other important interpersonal relationships.” The second myth is the medical model of psychopathology, which suggests that “all emotional pain can be treated the same way one would treat medical problems-with prescription and medication” and in doing so little time is spent on the contextual basis of personal problems. The third myth is the doctor as“The Expert”, which perpetuates the power imbalance between the patient or client and the health professional (cited in Allen Ivey, Michael D’Andrea and Mary Bradford Ivey, 7th Edition).

Also, we need to remember that patriarchy acts as an overarching oppressive force defining power structures, discourse, and dissemination of information of acceptable behaviour, girl’s and women’s behaviour in particular. There is now a lot of material concerning the DSM and the validity of some diagnoses and part of it is a feminist critique that suggests that women’s experience of oppression and inequality has been pathologized for centuries. For instance, women’s anger is pathologised irrespectively of circumstances, violence or oppression, whereas, it is rather encouraged in men. Comstock refers to these dynamics as “prohibitions against anger”…” (cited in Jean Baker Miller (in Allen Ivey, Michael D’Andrea & Mary Bradford Ivey). Girls and women are conditioned into certain gender roles from a young age and are often expected to adjust, not speak up or rock the boat, which can lead to intense distress. When women express their need for autonomy or their indignation and anger they are labeled rebellious, promiscuous, hysterical or otherwise. This disempowers women and leads to the burying of emotions, numbness and disempowerment.

I’ll provide an example from my own experience to clarify how women are conditioned from early on to be overly polite and accommodating, and also, how there are subtle and less subtle ways that society silences women or undermines their sense of safety. This particular memory came to my mind after hearing psychotherapist, Marisa Peer, provide an example from her own life of a similar experience in a talk about how to reframe experiences and make new meaning of events. So, I was in my late teens returning from some class or other when a tall man around thirty with very short hair stood behind me on the train and started talking to me. I ignored him knowing that I would be getting off soon. To my surprise he got off too and started following me continuing to chat. It wasn’t dark, I was in my neighbourhood so I turned around and asked him to leave me alone, but he ignored me. As we approached my house I started feeling some low grade fear wondering if he would actually follow me up to the front door of my block of flats and even if it was a good idea to go home. When I finally got to the door he stood close behind me as I was trying to unlock the door hoping that once I’d shut the door he would leave, but he firmly held the door open and stepped inside. I was left trying to figure out whether to go up the several flights of steps in the semi-dark or take the lift. The lift seemed a better option and I didn’t believe he’d have the nerve to get in, but he did. Meanwhile, it never occurred to me to knock on a neighbour’s door or demand he get lost… because I kept thinking “what if he gets aggressive” and “what will people think”. Even though I’ll end the story here I will say that his stalking did not end that day. There were a couple more incidents. At the time it occurred I could not yet classify it as harassment or stalking. I didn’t have the vocabulary. Only much later was I able to  reframe the experience. It was only in retrospect that I realised that apart from it being an unhealthy and sexist behaviour on his part, it was a fear inducing power game not that uncommon.

As mentioned above, one issue to consider is that mental distress in society is mostly understood through a biomedical lens. Lafrance and Mckenzie-Mohr (2013) postulate that “distress is medicalized, understood as an expression of individual dysfunction” Moreover, one needs to look at the history and development of the Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). The DSM has contributed to medicalising our understanding of human experience and distress and has shaped the language that we use to talk about emotional and mental distress, responses to trauma and even human experiences like grief. In their paper on gender and diagnosis, published in 2008, K. Eriksen and V. Kress write:”…… both men and women have been hurt by previously unquestioned diagnostic systems. In fact, many authors have pointed out the stigmatizing effects of diagnostic labels; the classist, sexist, racist, and homophobic assumptions embedded in both the ICD…. and the DSM-IV-TR…….; the resulting pathologizing of behaviors that may be normative within particular gender contexts; and the under-diagnosing of problematic behaviors…… In this article, we report gender-related concerns about diagnosis, including those related to the prevalence of diagnoses by gender, sex bias in diagnosis, the problematic impact of particular diagnoses on women, and the impact of socialization and social conditions on diagnosis…”

There has also been considerable critique about the relationship between psychiatry and the pharmaceutical industry, and consequently, the over reliance on the use of medication, which requires a biomedical model of explaining health in general and the need to over-pathologise and de-contextualize human experience.  Psychiatry has been described as anti-feminist having contributed or colluded in practices that today would be considered as barbaric and violations of rights. All in all, patriarchal structures, upper white male middle class values and beliefs and a biomedical model of understandings of mental distress have pervaded psychiatry and psychology. Of course, mental health fields do not speak with one voice and progress is being made as science progresses and new research and more integrative approaches are formulated. There are a lot of voices, there is greater dissemination of information, and also, women and marginalised groups are now, to one extent or another, also part of the conversation.

Concerning “Borderline Personality Disorder”, in particular, there are those in the field that consider it a meaningless label and because there is a great overlap with complex post traumatic stress it is suggested that this description of the experience would be more helpful and would also shed light on the fact that a lot of serious mental distress or maladaptive behaviours stem from prolonged trauma and hostile environments. Incorporating the concept of trauma could move the emphasis away from the individual to include their external environment. The literature also reveals that there are those arguing that BPD is a “gendered diagnosis”, with women being diagnosed at a much higher rate than men. In order to understand how BPD was constructed and why women are diagnosed, I think something like nine times more frequently, it is essential to explore the link between patriarchy, power and dominant discourses of mental distress. Also, this lack of consideration of stereotypical notions of gender, on the one hand, and life circumstances, on the other, can result in biased research and conclusions.

It is suggested that rather than reducing the experience of women to medical symptoms, there is a deep need to change our oppressive, biased and unreasonable society, and also, take into consideration the upbringing of many girls across the world and the impact of oppression and social contexts from early on. Behaviours developed early to survive and protect the self in often threatening or invalidating environments are then in adulthood stigmatized and labeled out of context. Literature suggests that women who receive a BPD diagnosis have often experienced trauma and abuse, so viewing them as survivors would facilitate healing and change. Also, evidence on the effectiveness of medication is controversial. Apart from Marsha Linehan’s approach mentioned above, other psychotherapies like narrative therapy and feminist therapy have been found to be effective in exploring gender issues, power structures in society and women’s positioning, creativity, and insights into relational dynamics and ways of empowerment. Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) has four components “mindfulness (being aware of one’s emotions, distress), distress tolerance (tolerating and accepting difficult situations or emotions), emotional regulation (using techniques to reframe thoughts and shift emotions) and interpersonal effectiveness. It might also be necessary to engage in trauma work along with DBT or at some later point in order to heal at a deeper level. DBT has been critiqued for neglecting to pay attention to the oppressive power structures that have contributed to a person’s life experiences and context. Trauma work can also prevent women from seeing the broader power relations that are affecting their lives or stifling their movement. Ultimately, integrating a feminist approach and contextualizing people’s lived experiences can always complement and increase the efficacy of the therapeutic process and the process of empowerment.

I will end the discussion of this huge topic here even though there is a lot more to consider.

I’d also like to share a meditation for those who meditate from Kara Jewel Lingo, a meditation teacher, who is interested in blending spirituality and meditation with social justice. At the age of twenty-five after her studies, she entered a Buddhist monastery and spent fifteen years living as a nun. She became a Zen teacher in 2007. She has also written a book. In this particular meditation she mentions a common symbol of a wheel found in Asia with eight spokes and a hole in the centre or an inner wheel. This wheel image also represents the Eight Worldly Winds (I referred to above), which are four pairs of opposites: pleasure and pain, praise and blame, gain and loss, fame and disrepute. It seems like a helpful metaphor for life. We all universally hope for the positive things and fear the other four. The wheel is always turning, the wind is always blowing, and more or less, we get a taste of all eight experiences in different forms and to differing degrees.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXdhEwzCBDQ&t=387s

Finally, some fun resources for the summer for both those who will get the chance to go on vacations and those who won’t. The relevant research seems to reveal that “fun is an essential key to our well-being, one that needs to be defended against the encroachments of work and other responsibilities.”

https://corpmail.otenet.gr/?_task=mail&_action=show&_uid=51072&_mbox=INBOX&_safe=1&_caps=pdf%3D0%2Cflash%3D0%2Ctif%3D0

Emotions…..                                             

“We become free by transforming ourselves from unaware victims of the past into responsible individuals in the present, who are aware of our past and are thus able to live with it. Most people do exactly the opposite. Without realizing that the past is constantly determining their present actions, they avoid learning anything about their history. They continue to live in their repressed childhood situation, ignoring the fact that it no longer exists.” (From The Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller)

My Eyelid                             

Come sleep, take it (the child) / place it on silk / quietly  

And from honey milk / let the staircase of your dream be wide

My eyelid is closed / ah! my lucky one / Don’t rise morning star / don’t be scared.

Lullaby by Chronis Aidonidis and Nikos Kypourgos: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-HTQb5KA6

(Lovely Greek lullaby, rhythm and rhyme, and even tenderness, have sort of been lost in translation)

In the previous post I referred to a podcast in which Dacher Keltner talks about his exploration of pro-social emotions like: awe, gratitude, empathy, compassion and others, and how they are tied to our capacity to live a life of meaning, the connection between emotions, ethics and power, about compassion and those, who are in some sense wired to be able to tap more easily into empathy and compassion. Keltner also tells us a bit of how he ended up focusing on emotions in his work. He writes: “the field (this is the mid-80s) was really in what’s called the cognitive science revolution: the mind is a computer, the process is information, there are algorithms. That’s how we make sense of the world. I really felt that emotion was missing in our conceptualization of the mind and the body… There were two critical events that happened to me. The first is my grad advisor, Phoebe Ellsworth—who’s a brilliant scientist. I did a project showing that with little brief changes in emotion, if you feel sad, for example, you just look at the world differently. It’s like this lens upon reality. And then the second big transformative experience… was she enabled me to get a postdoc after my PhD at Stanford with Paul Ekman [a pioneer in the study of emotions and their relation to facial expressions. Ekman has conducted seminal research on the specific biological correlations of specific emotions, trying to demonstrate the universality of emotions]. I learned from Ekman the brilliance of Darwin and just the incredible wonders of how we express emotion in the body and in the face and in the voice….. the field really started to change in the emotion revolution. There were people like Jonathan Haidt who argued that our sense of morality, freedom, justice, caring, equality, those are ancient emotional tendencies that you see in non-human primates.”

I’d like to add that even though I did a masters’ programme a little over a decade ago, this over-emphasis on cognition and cognitive behavioural therapeutic modalities, at the exclusion almost of other important human experiences like emotions, sensations, early experiences, and above all, circumstances and context, was still very much part of the whole atmosphere, Keltner speaks to how things have changed in the field and how the importance of our emotions in our life is being studied by scientists and researchers. He writes: “People like Jonathan Haidt saying our sense of meaning and purpose and right and wrong comes out of the gut and our feeling. And then neuroscience. There’s new thinking by Solms and colleagues that our sense of self and meaning really is not in the cortex where we think about things, it’s really in the sub-cortex down by the brain stem, in the periaqueductal gray, where that attaches the sense of meaning to what we see in the world, and it’s rooted in feeling.” He also notes how academia is a very adversarial peer review-based process and the he has experienced pushback for his work. He writes: “Wow, I tried to be kind and not go out and undermine other people’s work,” but that happens to me. How do I keep close to this philosophy of kindness? It’s a continuing work in progress…”

In terms of the importance of emotions in her book, The Drama of the Gifted Child, Alice Miller writes that all children  have a primary need from the very beginning of their life to be regarded and respected as the person they really are at any given time. She clarifies that when we say “the person the child really is at any given time,” we mean emotions, sensations, and their expression from the first day onward. In an atmosphere of respect and tolerance for feelings, the child, in the phase of separation, will be able to give up symbiosis with the mother and accomplish the steps toward individuation and autonomy, which are prerequisites for the healthy development. Our access to our emotional world, our capacity to stay with emotions and the knowledge stored in our bodies is a prerequisite to healing, growing and changing. Miller claims that the repression of childhood pain and emotions influences not only the life of an individual, but also the taboos of the whole society. She writes that we can never undo the damage done in early years, but we can change and gain our lost integrity by choosing to look more closely at the knowledge that is stored inside our bodies and bringing this knowledge closer to our awareness. And even though this path is neither easy nor pain free she believes that it is the only route by which we can free ourselves from dysfunctional beliefs, repressed emotions and the invisible prisons of our childhood.

Miller clarifies that this truth and process is not only relevant to people who have had a very difficult early life or people who are aware of their traumas, but also to those that might believe that they had a good childhood. For instance, she explores the roots of many common adult strategies and behaviours, many of which are viewed as positive and condoned socially. She writes: “Their access to the emotional world of their own childhood, however, is impaired— characterized by a lack of respect, a compulsion to control and manipulate, and a demand for achievement. Very often they show disdain and irony, even derision and cynicism, for the child they were. In general, there is a complete absence of real emotional understanding or serious appreciation of their own childhood vicissitudes, and no conception of their true needs — beyond the desire for achievement. The repression of their real history has been so complete that their illusion of a good childhood can be maintained with ease.”

Miller also discusses prevalent or mainstream toxic pedagogic methods like not picking up a baby while crying to avoid spoiling it, or health providers encouraging scheduled feedings and training babies to not wake up during the night, and so on, that have been part of the upbringing of many generations. Mate Gabor describes his mother’s internal emotional struggle trying to abide with her physician’s instructions and not pick him up while he was desperately crying as a baby. In her book, Of Woman Born: Motherhood as Experience and Institution, Adrienne Rich writes: “…..she [the mother] is, in fact, expected to prepare them [her children] to enter that system without rebelliousness or “maladjustment” and to perpetuate it in their own adult lives. Patriarchy depends on the mother to act as a conservative influence, imprinting future adults with patriarchal values even in those early years when the mother-child relationship might seem most individual and private; it has also assured through ritual and tradition that the mother shall cease, at a certain point, to hold the child— in particular the son— in her orbit.”

In her chapter, The Mother as Society’s Agent During the First \years of Life, Miller says that the things that make us sick are those things we cannot see through, society’s constraints that we have absorbed through our parents’ eyes. She writes: “No amount of reading or learning can free us from those eyes. To put it another way: Many people suffering from severe symptoms are very intelligent. They read in newspapers and books about the absurdity of the arms race, about exploitation through capitalism, diplomatic insincerity, the arrogance and manipulation of power, submission of the weak, and the impotence of individuals — and they have given thought to these subjects. What they do not see, because they cannot see them, are the absurdities enacted by their own mothers when they were still tiny children. Oppression and the forcing of submission do not begin in the office, factory, or political party; they begin in the very first weeks of an infant’s life. Afterward they are repressed and are then, because of their very nature, inaccessible to argument….” We cannot change this nor awaken to more reality until our own early reality and conditioning have been faced and experienced. It is only then that as Miller says: “building up new illusions and denials in order to avoid the experience of that reality disappears. We then realize that all our lives we have feared and struggled to ward off something that really cannot happen any longer; it has already happened, at the very beginning of our lives while we were completely dependent….. to free ourselves from these patterns we need more than an intellectual awareness: we need an emotional confrontation with our parents in an inner dialogue.” So, we need to feel our emotions and this is neither easy nor is it encouraged in our emotions phobic society.

In relation to how social structures and contexts interfere with the mother-child relationship and bond Miller also focuses on our birthing practices in the West. She emphasizes the need to not separate mothers from their newborns, which is still a common practice in many hospitals and maternity clinics. Miller writes: “If a woman is to give her child what he will need throughout his life, it is absolutely fundamental that she not be separated from her newborn, for the hormones that foster and nourish her motherly instinct are released immediately after birth and continue in the following days and weeks as she grows more familiar with her baby When a newborn is separated from his mother— which was the rule not so long ago in maternity hospitals and still occurs in the majority of cases, out of ignorance and for the sake of convenience— then a great opportunity is missed for both mother and child. The bonding (through skin and eye contact) between mother and baby after birth stimulates in both of them the feeling that they belong together, a feeling of oneness that ideally has been growing from the time of conception. The infant is given the sense of safety he needs to trust his mother, and the mother receives the instinctive reassurance that will help her understand and answer her child’s messages. This initial mutual intimacy can never again be created, and its absence can be a serious obstacle right from the start.” In the book mentioned above, Adrienne Rich provides a much more extensive historical and political analysis of the evolution of the birth practices across historical contexts, especially, in the West, and the consequences for both women and children.

Miller expands on the benefits of supporting mother child bonding from the first moments. She writes: “A woman who has experienced bonding with her child will be in less danger of mistreating him and will be in a better position to protect him from mistreatment by the father and other caregivers, such as teachers and babysitters. Even a woman whose own repressed history has been responsible for a lack of bonding with her child can later help him overcome this deficit, if she comes to understand its significance. She will also be able to compensate for the consequences of a difficult birth if she does not minimize their importance and knows that a child who was heavily traumatized at the beginning of his life will be in particular need of care and attention in order to overcome the fears arising out of more recent experiences.”

At the moment I’m reading Secrets of the Sprakkar, which is an ancient Icelandic word meaning extraordinary or outstanding women, by Eliza Reid, the Canadian wife of the president of Iceland, which is considered the planet’s finest country for women in terms of rights and gender equality. Reid describes how all prenatal care in Iceland is managed by midwives rather than doctors and the Nordic, hands-off approach to pregnancy and childbirth because pregnancy is viewed as a normal and natural state, and extensive research indicates that in low-risk pregnancies, there are fewer medical interventions during midwife-led births than those directed by a physician. Iceland also has one of the lowest C-section rates of higher income countries, at about 16 percent of all births and some of the best overall birth outcomes in the world. She writes: “Iceland does a lot of things well when it comes to having babies. There is an emphasis on the natural process of birth, from soft lighting in the delivery rooms to plenty of pain relief options before an epidural is (sometimes grudgingly) approved….. In most straightforward births, no one is in a rush to remove the baby to record details like length and weight, leaving the infant instead to rest and warm up on its mother’s chest.”

From cradle to death our experiences are in part socially constructed and determined. Eliza Reid herself is the biological mother of four, something she had never anticipated. She writes: “Had I stayed in Canada, I doubt I would have been so prolific in offspring. But in Iceland, somehow, it just seemed so easy to have a child— and then another, and another, and another. Here, comprehensive, midwife-led prenatal care is free of charge; even the nominal fees that usually accompany medical appointments and procedures in Iceland are waived. My husband and I each took several months of parental leave, during which we received payments from the government. When we returned to work full-time, our children were first cared for by a licensed child minder and then at a preschool a five-minute walk from our house, both of which were heavily subsidized by the city of Reykjavík. With these supportive systems in place, we didn’t need to prioritize financial considerations when deciding the size of our family.”

At a collective level this process of acquiring emotional awareness is important because as Miller writes experiencing our legitimate emotions is liberating, not just because of the discharge of long-held tensions in the body but above all because it opens our eyes to past and present reality and frees us of lies and illusions, helps us uncover repressed memories and dispel attendant symptoms. This is empowering without being destructive. Repressed emotions can be resolved as soon as they are felt and understood, and then the need to scapegoat others or project our anger, contempt or hatred on others dissipates. She writes: “The future of democracy and democratic freedom depends on our capacity to take this very step and to recognize that it is simply impossible to struggle successfully against hatred outside ourselves, while ignoring its messages within. We must know and use the tools that are necessary to resolve it: We must feel and understand its source and its legitimacy. There is no point in appealing to our goodwill, our kindness, and a common spirit of love, as long as the path to clarifying our feelings is blocked….The mistreatment, humiliation, and exploitation of children is the same worldwide, as is the means of avoiding the memory of it. Individuals who do not want to know their own truth collude in denial with society as a whole, looking for a common “enemy” on whom to act out their repressed rage.”

Alienation                                                                           Edited

“If you want to oppress people constrain their sense of the possible…” Rick Hanson

“The kindness, sacrifice, and “jen” that make up healthy communities are rooted in a bundle of nerves that has been producing caretaking behavior for over 100 million years of mammalian evolution.” Dacher Keltner

“Our society denies us autonomy and meaning…” Gabor Mate

“To the extent that alienation makes a person / human being different from what he (she) ought to be and to the extent that behavior is imposed….  this alienated human / person becomes an object, a mere thing to whoever imposes the alienation….” (Carlos Castilla Del Pino, The Alienation of Women, 1978, Odysseus Publications)

Today I am sharing the third painting I’ve been working, as part of a series of thematically related paintings.
I’m also sharing links to podcasts / talks I’ve listened to – lots of ideas and food for thought.

The first podcast at: https://www.rickhanson.net/being-well-podcast-rediscovering-your-true-self-parentification-and-the-gifted-child/, is titled Rediscovering Your True Self: Parentification and the “Gifted Child”. Dr Rick Hanson and his son Forrest Hanson discuss topics related to Alice Miller’s classic book, The Drama of the Gifted Child, which I finished re-reading a few days before listening to the podcast. I will probably be returning to the book in the next post, unless some other idea or topic emerges. Many themes are touched upon in this podcast. Forrest begins by saying that “when a child is particularly emotionally intelligent, and a parent is particularly emotionally vulnerable, an inversion of the typical relationship can occur where the child devotes themselves to meeting the parent’s needs rather than the other way around”, in other words a process called parentification may take place, and which often can lead children to lose touch with their own wants and needs and their authentic self and to feelings of worthlessness and self-alienation in adulthood. On this episode Rick and Forrest Hanson explore how we can heal from the effects of these difficult and yet common early experiences and rediscover who we truly are. They touch upon themes like: self-definition vs. defining yourself through relationship /s; intergenerational patterns; accumulation of subtle forms of parentification over time;  the healthier and less healthy dynamics of love, aspiration, and power in parenting styles; the need to let go of our idealized versions of our childhoods and create a more coherent and more realistic narrative, and grief as a process that facilitates freedom and the reclaiming of our true nature.

In the second podcast (https://resources.soundstrue.com/transcript/awe-and-a-meaningful-life/) Dr. Dacher Keltner (professor of psychology at the University of Berkeley, founding director of the university’s Greater Good Science Center and writer) and Tami Simon talk about his exploration of pro-social emotions like: awe, gratitude, empathy, compassion and others, and how they are tied to our capacity to live a life of meaning. They discuss Charles Darwin’s study of emotions and how “survival of the kindest” may be more true than “survival of the fittest”; the instinct of sympathy; the connection between emotions, ethics and power; making kindness our core principle, which by the way is a core principle in all cultures. They also talk about the “vagal superstars” and the practice of compassion; the need to establish healthy boundaries in order to avoid empathic distress; creating positive changes in the health-care system and choosing pro-social emotions in stressful, energy-draining situations and contexts like hospitals, for instance. In relation to how health providers can cope with empathic distress Keltner says they should watch out for too much pure empathic distress, taking in other people’s suffering, remember why they are there, name the emotion, separate it, and find agency in that awareness. He also adds that “Healthcare providers have enormous power. They may not feel like it, but they shape the lives of many human beings. It’s to remember what the other person’s set of concerns is, what are mine and how can I care for those concerns, and to start to be mindful of those boundaries.” They also focus on the experience and the science of awe, which seems to be good for the body, lowers inflammation, elevates vagal tone, reduces amygdala activation, “gives muscle to our thinking, makes us more rigorous and more holistic in our thought…..and helps us take in the bigger picture, reduces neurotic nagging, opens us up to see the creative bigger picture.”

In the third talk at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajo3xkhTbfo Dr Gabor Mate, a physician and writer, drawing on scientific research and decades of personal experience as a practicing physician, discusses the role that stress, emotions and the environment  play in an array of diseases, and the ineffectiveness of treating symptoms and organs, de-contextualized from the whole person and their environment.

Finally, in the fourth talk at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tef5_HK5Zlc Dr Gabor Mate talks about how we now have a lot of scientific evidence that childhood adversity can create harmful levels of stress, especially if a child is left to manage their responses to that adversity without emotionally reliable relationships. He begins with the concept of alienation from our self, work, others and nature. He explores the theme of trauma as disconnection from the self and why relationships are central to the prevention and recovery of trauma. Another interesting and hopeful fact in relation to this talk is that Scotland is in the midst of a growing grassroots movement aimed at increasing public awareness of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). Their vision for an ACE Aware Nation is that all 5 million citizens of Scotland should have access to this information in order to explore ways to prevent and heal the impacts of childhood trauma. Could this be a vision for all countries? Gabor also analyses the various models of disease and addiction to demonstrate how a more complex and holistic perspective is more grounded in reality and more effective in supporting people’s health.