Part two

Myths and her voice       

“If women are not perceived to be fully within the structures of power, surely it is power that we need to redefine rather than women.” Mary Beard

“We realize the importance of our voices only when we are silenced.” Malala Yousafzai

“If people were silent nothing would change.” Malala Yousafzai

This second part focuses more on how women have been silenced, and how public speaking became the domain of men. Before I carry on I’d like to mention that myths provide us with ways to look and understand the world, and there are individual and more collective or universal understandings of myths. They are embedded in our cultures and traditions and can be both destructive and limiting, especially for certain groups of people, but also liberating. Also, there are multiple readings of each myth as each story contains a variety of themes. In her book, Antigone Rising: The Subversive Power of the Ancient Myths, Helen Morales (classicist and the second Argyropoulos Chair in Hellenic Studies at the University of California) writes: “Myths open up new ways of looking at the world. What makes a myth a myth, rather than just a story, is that it has been told and retold over the centuries and has become meaningful to a culture or community. The Greek and Roman myths have become embedded in, and an influential part of, our culture. They form the foundations and scaffolding of the beliefs that shape our politics and our lives. These can be limiting and destructive but also inspirational and liberating.” On a similar note, referring to Homer’s Odyssey, professor of classics and ancient literature, Mary Beard, writes that it would be a cultural crime if we read it only to investigate the well-springs of Western misogyny; it is a poem that explores, among much else, the nature of civilisation and ‘barbarity’, of homecoming, loyalty and belonging.

I’d also like to say that women, at least in the west, have come a long way and have much to celebrate, and there are more women now in positions that allow them to exert societal influence. Yet true and widespread equality between men and women is still a distant thing. Mary Beard, writes: “It is happily the case that there are now more women in what we would all probably agree are ‘powerful’ positions than there were ten, let alone fifty years ago. We should not forget to congratulate ourselves for the revolution that we have all, women and men, brought about…… but, real equality between women and men was still a thing of the future, and that there were causes for anger as well as for celebration.”

In her book, Women & Power, Beard explores the relationship between the classic Homeric moment (described below) of silencing a woman and some of the ways in which women’s voices are also silenced or repressed in our contemporary culture and politics. She suggests that we need to go beyond “the simple diagnosis of misogyny” because it is only one way of understanding or describing this reality. She mentions many instances and ways, both in antiquity and later, of how women have been excluded from public speech. For instance, she mentions how in the early fourth century BC, Aristophanes devoted a comedy to the ‘hilarious’ fantasy that women might run the state. In real life ancient women had no formal political rights, no real economic or social independence, and when women did have power, in drama and myths (Medea, Clytemnestra, and others), they are portrayed as abusers that cause destruction and chaos rather than wise users of power.

There are many mechanisms and structures in place that facilitate the disempowerment, silencing and often severing of women from the centres of power. This has been achieved through many routes since antiquity. The silencing and oppression of women are interwoven with varying levels of trauma and violence, violations of human rights, culture and narratives. Mary Beard  writes: “When it comes to silencing women, Western culture has had thousands of years of practice……This is one place where the world of the ancient Greeks and Romans can help to throw light on our own.” She and other classicists claim that in the literature relevant to the public voice of women one important first recorded example of a man telling a woman that her voice was not to be heard in public was in Homer’s Odyssey (almost 3000 years ago) in the scene where Telemachus, the son of Odysseus and Penelope, tells his mother to go up to her quarters and take up her work. A short extract from Beard’s book describes the scene:  “That process starts in the first book of the poem [Odyssey] when Penelope comes down from her private quarters into the great hall of the palace, to find a bard performing to throngs of her suitors; he is singing about the difficulties the Greek heroes are having in reaching home. She isn’t amused, and in front of everyone she asks him to choose another, happier number. At which point young Telemachus intervenes: ‘Mother,’ he says, ‘go back up into your quarters, and take up your own work, the loom and the distaff … speech will be the business of men, all men, and of me most of all; for mine is the power in this household.”

Beard also discusses Ovid’s Metamorphoses (8 AD), where Jupiter turns Io into a cow, so that she cannot talk but only moo; and the nymph Echo is punished so that her voice is never her own, but only an instrument for repeating others’ words. There were some exceptions in the ancient worlds. Women could speak out as victims and martyrs, mostly to preface their own death. Beard provides the example of Philomela, who was raped and whose tongue was cut off, but still managed to denounce her rapist by weaving the story into a tapestry, which is “why Shakespeare’s Lavinia had her hands, as well as her tongue, removed”. Art and craftwork has been an instrument of healing, expression, and also, resistance, especially for women. Helen Morales writes: “Philomela’s cunning strategy for telling her story by weaving it into a tapestry is part of a larger cultural phenomenon in which women turn to weaving and craftwork as a means of resistance. It goes back to Homer’s Odyssey…..”

However, public speaking wasn’t only something that ancient women didn’t take part in, speaking in public and oratory were considered exclusive practices and skills that defined masculinity as a gender. Beard mentions many examples throughout ancient literature on the authority of the deep male voice in contrast to the more high pitched female. She writes; “As one ancient scientific treatise explicitly put it, a low-pitched voice indicated manly courage, a high-pitched voice female cowardice. Other classical writers insisted that the tone and timbre of women’s speech always threatened to subvert not just the voice of the male orator but also the social and political stability, the health, of the whole state.” A more recent example of this is from Henry James’1886 novel, The Bostonians, where Verena Tarrant, a young feminist campaigner and speaker, is silenced. Interestingly, as she gets closer to her suitor Basil Ransom (a man with a rich deep voice), she finds herself increasingly unable to speak in public. Beard writes about James: “Under American women’s influence, he insisted, language risks becoming a ‘generalised mumble or jumble, a tongueless slobber or snarl or whine’; it will sound like ‘the moo of the cow, the bray of the ass, and the bark of the dog’. (Note the echo of the tongueless Philomela, the moo of Io, and the barking of the female orator in the Roman Forum).”

One might think that this irrational way of viewing things is a thing of the past, but many of our contemporary traditions, conventions and rules of debate and public speaking still lie in the shadow of these outdated ideas of the classical world and beyond.  I was surprised to read that contemporary women politicians and those engaged in public speaking are pushed into voice training classes to get a nice, deep, husky tone. Even though a lot has changed and progress has been made it seems that traditions and narratives underpin much of our contemporary life. Beard writes: “our classical traditions have provided us with a powerful template for thinking about public speech, and for deciding what counts as good oratory or bad, persuasive or not, and whose speech is to be given space to be heard. And gender is obviously an important part of that mix.” There are still countless examples of attempts to write women entirely out of public discourse.  Beard claims that across the board, there is great resistance to female encroachment onto traditional male discursive territories. Women have not only been discouraged, but also insulted and threatened across cultures. A more recent form of violence against women and girl is online abuse. In relation to this she writes that “For a start it doesn’t much matter what line you take as a woman, if you venture into traditional male territory, the abuse comes anyway. It is not what you say that prompts it; it’s simply the fact that you’re saying it. And that matches the detail of the threats themselves. They include a fairly predictable menu of rape, bombing, murder and so forth (this may sound very relaxed; that doesn’t mean it’s not scary when it comes late at night). But a significant subsection is directed at silencing the woman.”

When exploring the silencing of women it is important to look at the prevailing discourse and the cultural assumptions about women’s relationship with power, and as Beard suggests, the shared metaphors of female access to power that we tend to use like ‘knocking on the door’, ‘smashing the glass ceiling’, ‘storming the citadel’. She writes: “Women in power are seen as breaking down barriers, or alternatively as taking something to which they are not quite entitled.” She also suggests we ask the question: If there is a cultural template, which works to disempower women, what exactly is it and where do we get it from?  It is also useful to seriously reconsider power and leadership and to some extent disassociate it from current ideas and structures of power. A lot of the violence and harassment that women and other groups of people have suffered lie in the structures of powers. Beard writes: “That means thinking about power differently. It means decoupling it from public prestige. It means thinking collaboratively, about the power of followers not just of leaders. It means, above all, thinking about power as an attribute or even a verb (‘to power’), not as a possession. What I have in mind is the ability to be effective, to make a difference in the world, and the right to be taken seriously, together as much as individually. It is power in that sense that many women feel they don’t have – and that they want.”

Power does not have to be about domination and control over. Without power we cannot set healthy boundaries and our capacity to move through the world with safety and freedom are greatly compromised. So is our capacity to take part in life as equal and respected individuals,  to create and actualize our dreams and fulfill our potential. Elizabeth Lesser writes: “Power. It’s been so abused that it feels like a dirty word. But what is it actually? Power is a natural force, and it’s something we all want: the energy, the freedom, the authority to be who we are, to contribute, to create. Domination and control have become synonymous with power, but power does not have to come at the expense of others; it does not have to oppress in order to express. The urges to subjugate, punish, or annihilate are corrupted versions of power.”

Finally, as I’ve been writing this piece I realized that around the same time last year I had written a thematically related post. The previous year’s December 12th post (http://www.trauma-art-alexandritonya.com/?p=7250&lang=en) had to do with Malala Yousafzai’s story, who at the age of seventeen received the Noble Prize for Peace after being shot three times for standing up for the right to an education for girls. In her book, Cassandra Speaks, Elizabeth Lesser quotes part of Malala’s speech at the UN: “They thought the bullets would silence us, but they failed. Out of the silence came thousands of voices. The terrorists thought they would change my aims and stop my ambitions. But nothing changed in my life except this: weakness, fear, and hopelessness died. Strength, power, and courage were born.”

P.S.

I’d also like to share the links to two recent podcasts related to the holidays:

a) A conversation between Rick and Forrest Hanson about the pain and struggles that can emerge or come to the foreground more vividly around this time of the year. They discuss family estrangement, joining and distancing and the pain that might accompany this, duties in relationship, grief and functional forgiveness, ways to repair, the importance of distinguishing family systems from individuals and being aware of a wide range of variables influencing family relationships including third parties and systemic and cultural influences at: https://www.rickhanson.net/being-well-podcast-navigating-familial-estrangement/

b) A guided meditation, which I think reflects the spirit of the holidays, by Tara Brach (clinical psychologist and meditation teacher) on how to cultivate loving presence, which she believes is an innate capacity that we can cultivate,at: https://www.tarabrach.com/meditation-awakening-loving-presence-2/

It includes a loving kindness part:

“May we be held in loving presence, be loving presence, trust our basic goodness, trust that we are enough, feel happy, know the joy of being alive, feel deep and natural peace, may our heart and mind awaken and be free….”

Part one

Myths

“Women have been ignored, ridiculed, punished, even killed for their opinions forever. But without the balancing power of her voice— the female voice— things in this world end in disaster. Cassandra’s tale is your tale. It is all of our tales. We must speak, and we must be taken seriously. We must change the way the story ends……” (From Elizabeth Lesser’s book Cassandra Speaks)

Myths and ancient stories swim in our unconscious and are very much alive in our contemporary societies, even if this is not always apparent. They inform our ways of being and thinking, our literature and art, and the social discourse. They uphold patriarchal values and underpin dynamics in relationships. In a personal narrative that I have been constructing over recent years I seem to return to myths and stories salient in our culture. I also return to mythological figures in my art. The ink-pen drawings that I’ve been making this month contain characters from ancient Greek mythology: Pandora, Cassandra, Galateia and Pygmalion, Persephone, Hygeia related to the Greek god of medicine, Asclepius.

Short extracts from this personal narrative:

“Myths depict  the geography of our psyche, our life journey and also group discourse and dynamics with great economy…….. Myths, fairy tales and folklore across cultures and eras reflect universal journeys into the outer world, but also into the depths of our psyche. These short stories can be read at a subjective and objective level. The characters can reflect aspects of our psyches and the collective unconscious, as well as, the workings of outer environments. Stories have the capacity to awaken us to our own depth and the complexity of the world…..

There are many theories of the origins of patriarchy and most of them would agree that there are political and economic implications in men’s control over women. In simple terms patriarchy can be defined as the oppression and objectification of women by men through kinship relationship, culture and religion, violence, and through myths, ideas and discourse that represent social inequalities as natural……..

Through stories passed down from one generation to the next, over thousands of years, messages and roles are reinforced. When we descend into our own underworld nothing remains untouched; obscured dynamics and underlying patterns and stories are painstakingly revealed……… As I shuffled through the maze I discovered that my psyche was a rich reservoir of Greek mythology and religious archetypes and metaphors that did not necessarily preoccupy my conscious awareness, and which reflected dynamics of my life with precision, and also, linked my story to the greater wave of human experience and women’s journey across time………”

Elizabeth Lesser, whose book, Cassandra Speaks, I’ve just started reading writes: “I went back into those teaching tales that my mother had read to her girls— Adam and Eve and other Bible parables, the Greek and Roman myths, Shakespeare’s tragedies, war stories and heroic legends. I had absorbed those stories as if they were about humankind, about men and women. But here’s the thing: stories created only by men are really stories about men. I wanted to explore what would have happened— and what can happen now— when women are the storytellers, too. Whether we know it or not, whether we have read them or not, whether we believe them or don’t, our daily lives take direction from stories that are hundreds, even thousands of years old…….. In the past few years, I have thought of Cassandra’s story almost every day as more and more women demand to be heard and trusted. I have thought about other stories, too, ancient and modern ones, a whole brew of stories that people have been absorbing for centuries. Stories that tell false and destructive narratives about women and men, femininity and masculinity, and the nature and purpose of life. Stories we would be wise to scrap, and to replace with healthier ones.”

 

Gratitude

“Gratitude is like breathing in – letting ourselves be touched by the goodness in others and in our world. Generosity is like breathing out – sensing our mutual belonging and offering our care. When we are awake and whole, breathing in and out happens naturally. But these beautiful expressions of our heart become blocked when we are dominated by the fear and grasping of our survival brain.” Tara Brach

“Try taking refuge in gratitude … Your brain is shaped by your experiences, which are shaped by what you attend to. With mindfulness, you can rest your attention on experiences of psychological resources such as compassion and gratitude, and hardwire them into your nervous system.” Rick Hanson

 “Looking out over the evening skyscape, I felt some of what Joseph Campbell must have when he spoke of feeling “a certain tenderness toward the lovely gift of light, a gentle gratitude for things made visible.” Diane Ackerman – 2011

Today’s post is about gratitude. Gratitude involves a giver offering a gift and a receiver of this gift. Emmons says that in order for gratitude to exist, the giver must act intentionally and the person receiving the gift needs to acknowledge it as something good that was freely bestowed out of compassion, generosity, or love. A clear understanding of gratitude is important because like hope and other experiences there can be a potential “shadow side”. For instance, in their article, The Meaning and Valence of Gratitude in Positive Psychology, Liz Gulliford and Blaire Morgan write that we need to be mindful of the ‘triadic’ model (benefactor, benefit and beneficiary) because it only represents one understanding of gratitude. They believe that gratitude interventions should incorporate the educational task of promoting “virtue literacy” regarding gratitude as a potential virtue; an understanding of what gratitude is, why it might be a desirable quality to cultivate and when it is appropriate.  Emmons writes that “gratitude engages at least three different aspects of the mind. We intellectually recognize the benefit, we willingly acknowledge this benefit, and we emotionally appreciate both the gift and the giver. The term “gift” is important in this context because gifts are unearned, things we are not owed by the giver and to which we are not entitled.” So, there is a distinction between this kind of experience and other transactions and exchanges even though we may be thankful for these experiences, too. I will provide a simple personal example to somehow clarify this. When I worked as a teacher I exchanged teaching services for tuition fees. There was an exchange there, a mutual respect of a certain contract between two parties. However, beyond that a different give and take took place that opened up a space where the experience of gratitude could emerge. I offered many additional teaching hours and material during exams and end of terms that were not part of our agreement. This effort and time was an offering based on good intentions and generosity. My students on the other hand often brought me little gifts, flowers and thank you cards as expressions of their gratitude.

Generally, in many papers gratitude was consistently correlated with greater happiness and increased levels of resilience during difficult times, with ripple effects in many areas of our life. In his book, Resilience, Rick Hanson writes that “Gratitude and other positive emotions have many important benefits. They support physical health by strengthening the immune system and protecting the cardiovascular system. They help us recover from loss and trauma. They widen the perceptual field and help us see the big picture and the opportunities in it; they encourage ambition. And they connect people together.” In his book: The Little Book of Gratitude: Create a Life of Happiness and Wellbeing by Giving Thanks, Robert Emmons also suggests that as we create gratitude, a positive ripple effect is generated through every area of our lives, our pursuit of better relationships, and our quest for inner peace, health, wholeness, and contentment.

Skimming through a variety of research papers one reads that there is a link between gratitude and positive emotions and enhancement of interpersonal and social relationships. Awareness and expression of gratitude have been associated with measures of well-being and gratitude is linked to positive affective and pro-social traits. Some research points to the role of gratitude as a significant component of relationship building and maintenance of bonding in human communities. Emiliana Simon-Thomas says, “Experiences that heighten meaningful connections with others— like noticing how another person has helped you, acknowledging the effort it took, and savoring how you benefited from it— engage biological systems for trust and affection, alongside circuits for pleasure and reward. This provides a synergistic and enduring boost to the positive experience. Saying ‘thank you’ to a person, your brain registers that something good has happened and that you are more richly enmeshed in a meaningful social community” (cited in Dan Siegel’s book Aware). It seems that gratitude or the lack of it impacts our relatedness at a personal and collective level. As Emmons says: “Human relationships would unravel without gratitude…… It is the thread that stitches us together. Each act of gratitude contributes to the overall patchwork but these threads are frail. Ingratitude, forgetfulness, resentment, entitlement are forces that weaken and can ultimately unravel the fabric. However, it can be strengthened in some proven, effective ways that allow us to reap the rewards of grateful living.”

Research on the felt and subjective experience of gratitude suggests that gratitude enhances feelings of connectedness and influences the boundaries that define relationships. Specifically, it was found that boundaries between self and other were reduced, softened, or attenuated and that there was a shift of emphasis from the receipt of a gift to the value and significance of the relationship with the gift-giver. Participants in studies claimed that they felt seen and they used emotions like: love, joy, happiness, peace, safety, release, freedom, lightness, to describe their experiences of feeling grateful. When describing the felt sense participants identified the feeling of gratitude as occurring in the thoracic area, reported a rush of warmth in various parts of the body or a feeling of warmth in the entire body. These experiences seem to be associated with the part of the parasympathetic nervous system that allows for a soothing effect. Another interesting finding was that participants described experiences of becoming more present and alert, more awake and hopeful.  Kerry Howells whose work focuses on the importance of gratitude in education claims that gratitude awakens us and facilitates learning: “when we thank while we think, we think in a more engaged way.”

At the molecular level, gratitude is associated with oxytocin and with the release of dopamine and serotonin, which contribute positively to enhanced mood and motivation. Feelings of gratitude activate the limbic system that includes the hypothalamus and amygdala, which play a big role in regulating our emotions, memory, and endocrine function. Emmons cites research results to support the benefits of gratitude in the physical realm. For instance, keeping a gratitude diary for two weeks produced reductions in perceived stress (28 per cent) and depression (16 per cent) in health-care practitioners.  Gratitude was also related to 23 per cent lower levels of stress hormones (cortisol). Writing a letter of gratitude reduced feelings of hopelessness in 88 per cent of suicidal inpatients and increased levels of optimism in 94 per cent of them. Gratitude is related to a 10 per cent improvement in sleep quality in patients with chronic pain, and so on.  However, as suggested in the book the effects of gratitude are not limited to the physical realm. Summarily, research suggests that gratitude increases self-esteem, enhances willpower, strengthens relationships, deepens spirituality, boosts creativity, and improves athletic and academic performance.

It has also been suggested that gratitude is our best weapon to counter the constant drip of negativity in our contemporary societies. Emmons writes: “Gratitude rescues us from thieves that derail our opportunity for happiness, and gets us back on track to contentment and inner peace.” He also advises against feeling envious and comparing ourselves with those whom we perceive as having more advantages because this often leads to insecurity, increased anxiety and unhappiness. In his book, The Broken Ladder: How Inequality Changes the Way We Think, Live and Die, Keith Payne, PhD, believes that we can exert more control over how we compare. First, we need to be mindful enough to recognize when we are in the grips of it, and second, to choose wisely what kind of comparison is relevant and useful. According to Payne the idea is not to stop comparing, but to compare more wisely because different types of comparisons have different effects. He distinguishes two types of comparison, upward comparisons, which make us feel poorer, less talented, and needier, and downward comparisons, which involves thinking about others who are less fortunate in order to feel better by comparison because as he explains downward comparisons are not only the source of smug pride; they can also be a source of gratitude. He writes: “The key is to be aware that, under different circumstances or as the result of an unexpected change in fortune, you could have been less fortunate, too.” The risk of downward comparisons is complacency and upward comparisons, can inspire us to work harder and achieve more, only if we believe that our targets are realistic. He writes “Comparing ourselves to the Albert Einsteins and Michael Jordans of the world just makes us feel miserable and demotivated.”

Gratitude can also influence our evaluation of the past and how we construct our life narrative. Emmons writes that “when we respond to our lives, our past as well as events in the present, from a point of view of gratitude and appreciation, the way we interpret our experiences begins to shift and soften as we begin to soften inside.” Studies mentioned in Emmons’ book have shown that when writing about past losses or negative events from a grateful perspective participants reported feeling more closure and less unhappiness than those who didn’t write about their experience from a grateful perspective. We may not be able to always do this and not all past losses or painful experiences can be viewed this way, but often there might be certain outcomes that we could eventually, and after a lot of processing and coming to terms with, be thankful for. A serious violation, injustice or loss can lead to clarity and reclaiming of things important to us. Some losses create time and space for waking up, learning, boundary setting, growth and change…. So, I think it is important to distinguish the adversity or injustice from any potential positive outcomes. It is also important to be able to discern and attend to the good things in life alongside the adversities. This process leads to a more integrated life narrative and an owning of the totality of our life. An example that comes to mind might be friends’ betrayal. Embracing the good moments, as well as, the bad helps us to bring about balance and integration, make new meaning, and also, reclaim the past goodness in our life. Through embracing it all we embrace the totality of our life and self. Also, while it is important in the midst of adversity to not deny reality, feeling gratitude for something outside the adversity can build up resilience, decrease stress and help us see the bigger picture like the societal dynamics that supported events or the belief systems underlying particular behaviours and so on.

Some questions to journal or reflect on suggested in Emmon’s book are:

What kinds of things do you now feel grateful for? What personal strengths have grown out of your experience? How has the event made you better able to meet the challenges of the future? How has it put your life into perspective?

Emmons also touches upon existing myths or misconceptions about gratitude. One of these myths is that gratitude leads to complacency and passivity, and de-motivates us to improve our lot in life or challenge the status quo, which he claims is not necessarily true. Studies have shown that consistent gratitude practices, for instance, result in feeling more energetic, alive and alert, and also, that gratitude inspires good-neighbourly behaviour, generosity, compassion, charitable giving. What I also found interesting is his reference to gratitude metaphors that inspire and drive personal change, encouraging us to go deeper into grateful living. He writes: “Lock and key metaphors are especially common. Gratitude has been referred to as “the key that opens all doors”, that which “unlocks the fullness of life”, and the “key to abundance, prosperity, and fulfillment.”

I will end this post today with Oliver Sacks, a British neurologist, naturalist, historian of science, and writer. The reason I’ve chosen to end this post with Sack’s words is because they reflect the preciousness of the gift of life and the uniqueness of everybody’s life and all sentient beings’ life on this beautiful planet.

In the first essay in his book Gratitude, which he wrote during the last two years of his life while he was facing aging, serious illness and fear of dying, he writes: “At nearly eighty, with a scattering of medical and surgical problems, none disabling, I feel glad to be alive—“I’m glad I’m not dead!” sometimes bursts out of me when the weather is perfect….. Perhaps, with luck, I will make it, more or less intact, for another few years and be granted the liberty to continue to love and work, the two most important things, Freud insisted, in life………

In his second essay, “My Own Life”, which he wrote when his health had deteriorated and he was face to face with dying, he says: “It is up to me now to choose how to live out the months that remain to me. I have to live in the richest, deepest, most productive way I can….  I have been increasingly conscious, for the last ten years or so, of deaths among my contemporaries. My generation is on the way out, and each death I have felt as an abruption, a tearing away of part of myself. There will be no one like us when we are gone, but then there is no one like anyone else, ever. When people die, they cannot be replaced. They leave holes that cannot be filled, for it is the fate— the genetic and neural fate— of every human being to be a unique individual, to find his own path, to live his own life, to die his own death…. I cannot pretend I am without fear. But my predominant feeling is one of gratitude. I have loved and been loved; I have been given much and I have given something in return; I have read and traveled and thought and written. I have had an intercourse with the world, the special intercourse of writers and readers. Above all, I have been a sentient being, a thinking animal, on this beautiful planet, and that in itself has been an enormous privilege and adventure.”